The Loss of My Dear Friend

By Stephanie Battaglino
I had planned to have this blog entry be all about my transitional journey and my decision to have my gender reassignment surgery with Marci in Trinidad. But that will have to wait. On Thursday night I received devastating news that a dear friend of mine--a pre-op transwoman--was found dead in her home. Apparently she died from starvation--no food was found in the house, and she weighed a mere 80 pounds! My first thought, as I tried to hold back my tears so as not to alarm my son, was, "Why did this have to happen?" Could it all have been avoided if perhaps, just perhaps, we lived in a more enlightened and accepting society? You see, Darlene (not her real name) who was out, proud and happy to be living her life as her true self, lived in a place where acceptance and understanding was spotty at best. As was the case, as I understand it, with her family. She had a supportive and understanding sister, but unfortunately she lived in another part of the country. Her daughter even tricked her into thinking she was accepting, only to openly ridicule her behind her back.

For reasons that will be forever unknown to me, Darlene chose to isolate herself and deal with whatever inner demons she may have had--alone, with only her beliefs in the Spirit and Metaphysical worlds to guide her. I can't even imagine what her struggle must have been like. It causes me great pain just thinking about it. The visualization of what her final days were like deeply saddens me. No one--and I mean no one--should ever have to endure such inner turmoil and pain.

You see, Darlene was there for me at a time in my life when I needed her most--in the weeks and months AFTER my surgery in Trinidad. Without question, my post-operative journey was by far the most arduous for me. I was filled with self-doubt and old patterns of thought I desperately needed to let go of. You can see it in my fragile emotional state in my episode of SCH. But I realized I simply could not do that by myself. Unlike Darlene, I reached out to those around me--my family, my friends, my therapist--and they helped me right my listing emotional ship. Darlene was front and center among them all back then. As I look around my place, there are signs of her everywhere. The fledgling plant she gave me as a gift from a larger one she had in her house that now threatens to overcome my television, it has grown so much. Books by authors that have changed my life--Dyer, Williamson, Hay, and Delorey, to name a few. Her energy and positivity surround me today, as they did then.

I will miss you my dear, dear friend. But I am comforted by the thought that you are in a place where your warmth, uniqueness and sheer joy of life are not only unconditionally accepted, but celebrated. Perhaps someday soon we will have that same environment here on Earth. I wish you PEACE . . .