What I Have Learned From My Son

By Stephanie Battaglino
When I speak at schools and conferences, the question I most often get asked is, "How did your son deal with your transition?" Well, it's not an easy answer. Speaking in terms of today, it is terrific. My now 14-year-old son is one of my biggest supporters. Sure, we have our issues, but honestly, they are no different than any other parent would have with a son who just started high school and is finding his own way. But to be honest, it wasn't easy. Early on in my transition, when I was not yet full-time, but was already taking on elements of my feminine appearance--longer hair and nails, pierced ears and tapered eyebrows--he referred to me as "freak show dad" and was very reluctant to be seen with me, or have pictures taken with me. Sure that hurt--a lot--but we kept at it, never losing the love we have for each other. I can remember telling him "just because I am becoming a woman, it doesn't mean I will suddenly forget how to throw a football or have a game of catch with you. I'm not going to stop rooting for the Yankees and the Giants." I believe he took great comfort in those statements. He needed to know that he wasn't losing his father. I also remember saying that I wasn't becoming his mother, either. I said, "I didn't give birth to you, your mom did, and that will always make her your mom." I quickly pointed out that when we are in public together, those that have never met me may refer to me as your mom, but we know that isn't the case." To his credit, he got that.

One of the biggest things I have learned from my son is that kids have no baggage--none whatsoever. They have this unbelievable knack for just dealing with the essence of the facts that are presented to them... and moving on. It's the adults that wrap it all up in a swirl of drama. Well, at least I do, I guess. But it was like that at all of the major milestones of my transition--when we talked about my surgery, when I first came out to him. Actually, I never really technically "came out" to him! It was he who figured it out when he said to his mother, "I think Daddy's a cross-dresser (I corrected him later), and he's gay." Well, what do you know?! I was flabbergasted, and frankly, relieved that he had already reached that conclusion without me having to have the "big conversation."

When my episode airs this coming Tuesday, you'll notice that you won't actually "see" my son. That's because his mom and I felt that it was appropriate--for now. To be honest, I protested initially because I felt (and still do today) that our story was important for other transgender parents--and their children--to see. The producers felt the same way, too, as our episode was initially slated to be the premiere episode. But alas, once the decision was made about my son's appearance re-editing was necessary, and there went the premiere slot. But in the end that doesn't really matter. What matters most by far is that my son is very much in my life today, as I am in his, and I look forward to experiencing his own journey to adulthood. I love you, pal!