Everyone Fears Rejection, It's THE Most Common Fear

By Katie Dunn

Hi "WE" Friends!
Everyday is a new beginning, and since it is 3:30 a.m. (I told you I am nocturnal, or an insomniac) then this is my 'tomorrow,' and I am always excited about a new day and a new beginning and what new opportunities it will hold. I think this is on my mind because Troy and I had the opportunity to reunite a woman with her mother today; a mom who simply walked off one day and walked away from three kids, many, many years ago. Now, wouldn't it be easy to just think lots of crummy things and be judgmental about what kind of a mom could do that? But WAIT! We are not what we do or we'd be called, 'Human Doings' instead of Human Beings. Sometimes, nice people just get really off the path and make some really bad mistakes but most--not all--but most, if they could get a second chance, would try ever so hard to do it better the next time. That's what we got to witness today--a mom who made no excuses for herself. In fact, she said, "I did everything wrong. I always figured they hated me and never wanted to see me again. I wish I could do it all over, but I can't. I never stopped loving them."

Now that's what I call, 'painting yourself into a corner'...AND not knowing how to get out of that corner. Fortunately, her daughter had grown up and didn't fill her heart with pity, blame, or bitterness. But she had a loving heart that was not in denial and had learned what I like to think of as 'selective remembering'...which is truly called 'forgiveness!' She had learned that love is for giving. Such a simple lesson that takes some of us a lifetime to learn, but it's never too late!

And because of this kind of loving, this mom and her children are getting an opportunity to see if they can slowly (because there is 'no all at once') build a new future. I think both understand that if they bring the past into the present, they will simply create a future just like their past. It's not denial...it's just not getting stuck in the past and it certainly is not throwing all boundaries away...but it is more about building bridges rather than walls. We wish them much joy, healing, patience and love that allows growing room.

Troy and I are often asked what we do. I like to say we are 'bridge builders' because I think that is really what we try to do--put a bridge where there was once a dead-end street, a one -way street, or a huge WALL. We try to build a BRIDGE where people can at their own pace find a way to navigate it and reach out to one another if mutually they can find a safe and healthy way to do just that. Sometimes it just happens so easily and for others, it takes years.

We hear from many fathers who have 'disappeared' or never 'stepped up to the bat' because they had 'painted themselves in a corner and didn't know how to get out of it. They are afraid and often feel embarrassed or guilty or worry that their kids' lives have had another 'father figure' in it and they don't have a right to interfere or do an awkward 'reentry.' VERY often, they fear rejection. Everyone fears rejection. It is THE most common fear! We just have to transcend whatever our fears are if we really want to hope that our tomorrows may be different than our yesterdays.

We hear from brothers and sisters who are looking for one another. Many were split up by parents' broken marriages, or parents who were never married. But also, many became 'lost' to one another because of an argument which they now don't even remember what it was about...but they do know it resulted in never speaking or seeing one another again. Once again, it's never too late...someone just has to take that first step...why not you! I believe in you, and I believe in new beginnings and second chances.

I am so touched by the sharing in this forum. I am grateful you feel you have a safe haven and community here to come and open up your hearts. I do strongly suggest that you are cautious about how much personal information and contact information you post on this or any board. Trust me, there are people out there who prey upon the vulnerability of others. Be careful. You can always submit all the details of your search with your contact information to TroyTheLocator.com.

So, can I be selfish for a moment and change the subject. I just can not knock this cold! Any home remedies out there for the ol' American Cold (coughing, sneezing, sore throat, and feel generally icky)? I can just hear Troy tellin' me, "Wah,Wah, Wah!" He never seems to get sick but he'd probably tell me that he just doesn't whine about it like I do. Guilty as charged! LOL

Hey, I love hearing about wonderful FOSTER FAMILIES who changed your life in the most positive and profound ways. We hear horror stories so often about 'the system,' but I sometimes hear from some of you who want desperately to find your old foster family who offered you the only place you really felt loved and safe. Now those kinds of foster parents and foster families are really heroes and we'd love to help you reconnect with them.

Well, it's been a great week. One of the most fun parts was that Troy and I got to do a lot of traveling together. You'd have to know us but we have both ALWAYS been practical pranksters with one another so it's always a 'see who can one up the other' or get by with some dory prank. I am just so lucky to get to work side by side my 'best buddy' aka son. Sorry to sound like such a proud mama...but I am.

By the way, you will LOVE this Saturday night's show! I find something so powerful about the "Two Mothers" meeting for the first time and both sharing such an abiding love for. In this case, their twin sons! I have an adopted son and I have prayed and loved his birth mother from afar for many years...maybe one day, we will get to meet. That's up to my son. She certainly blessed our families' life with the best gift and joy...a baby that made our family complete and made each of us better than we were before he came into our life. He rocks!

HeartHugs, from my heart to each of yours,
Katie Dunn