The Truth About Troy...
By Katie DunnHi to our WE tv LOCATOR Friends!
OK, OK, Okay! I keep getting asked about Troy and what he's really like. Well, he's really just like you are seeing. Of course, I'm not sure that asking his mom is the place to get the most unbiased response! And besides, he will shoot me if I go on and on and on...so let me just share one very neat thing about him.
He is a terrific, amazing, and awesome Dad! Of all the hats he wears, and he wears many, I think that the way he embraces 'fatherhood' is probably the thing that makes me the proudest. Troy is truly all about family. And I might add he married up! His wife is everything I'd like to be when I grow up.
Oh wait, I will add one more thing about him at the risk of endangerment to my life and limbs (maybe he won't read this). He is very, very fun and outrageously funny. We have a blast together. That's it. No more 'Troy' stories or he will panic that I'm going to bring out his baby book! Just kidding, Troy!
Our work is just an extension of who we are and what we love. As I read your poignant and often heart-tugging posts and e-mails, I realize how blessed I have been. I have been especially touched by the number of you who are looking for your fathers. I had the good fortune of having the best dad in the whole world. Now, some of you might want to argue that, but the fact remains...I DID! I think if you looked up 'dad' in the dictionary, you would find my dad's name listed as a noun, a verb, adjective...everything! By the way, just because I have grown up with people saying, "Do you mean your 'real' dad?" let me clarify--my adoptive parents were my 'real parents.' They parented me and nurtured me--and trust me, THAT had to be a real challenge...and they loved me unconditionally. But like those of you who are adopted, we have enough room in our hearts for our parents and birth parents and step-parents, and oh yeah, the very best part...GRANDPARENTS! I might just mention that I have 12 perfectly wonderful gkids...just in case you were going to ask (thought I'd find a way to work that into our chat!)
But having known a father's love, getting to be a 'daddy's girl, makes me very sad for those of you who never knew that kind of love and safety. I am humbled by your courage to not give up your quest to find that part of your life even though you know you may or may not find the answers you are hoping for.
Allow me to just throw something out here. I think all of us would do things differently if we could live life in reverse, but we can't. Hold that thought as you move forward in your search for a missing loved one. Troy and I can tell you that we have found many parents, both moms and dads, who were thought to have 'abandoned' their child or children years ago and they are often so grateful for a second chance! And if they are not, at least you gave them the option of having the gift of you in their lives and you are no longer carrying the weight of wondering 'what if.'
I hope you will consider what I think is one of my life's lessons. I have learned that 'rejection' is not personal. When my birth mom 'rejected' me, she was NOT rejecting me; she was choosing to reject a painful experience in her past from coming into her present life. From all I learned about her, she was a very nice woman and I wish I could have erased and lifted any pain or guilt from her, but her rather mean-spirited response toward me told me nothing about myself, it only told me about her and her fears. She is now deceased and I still feel great gratitude and love for her. Of course, I would have loved to have met her, but that requires mutual consent. I'm just so glad Troy found her for me and I that I had the opportunity to express my love and gratitude for her, to her. That was my gift to her. And it was certainly the ultimate gift from Troy to me.
So are you all excited about Troy's announcement...Troyslist.org? I am not sure if you realize what a great tool this will be in your search...part of searching for someone is also about making yourself 'findable.' Troyslist is for EVERYONE who is searching for ANYONE! (Excluding minors of course.) Have fun with it, use it. It is FREE. We are already getting success stories from 'matches' so it's already working--and changing lives--and that IS what we are about. Be sure to share your success and we will pass it on as encouragement for others.
Have a great day, and I'll blog more later.
HeartHugs,
Katie Dunn
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My son, Jonathan Kurdyla, is 30 years old and currently in the Reception Medical Center in Lake Butler, Fl. ( It is a Correctional Institute.) He has Non Hodgkins Lymphoma cancer and is going to be with hospice in the next month or so. He was diagnosed with this cancer in 2005 and was with Hospice for 2 years in my home. He went into remission last October (2007) and now having further tests, his cancer is spreading rapidly and I want so much for him to find his birth mother before passing. He was never interested in finding his biological mother, because she was on drugs when she gave birth, and for six months he was in many foster homes until my ex-husband and I adopted him in 1978, when he was 6 months old. How will I be able to locate his biological mother? All I have is her maiden name and the town in NJ that she lived at that time. I know he wonders why she gave him up (she was only 17) I too, wonder if this type of cancer is in her family (it is a very rare cancer that was caused by celiac disease) I'm not sure if I will receive an answer from you on this site?
Thank You,
Joyce
Hi Troy- I, too, love the show - I have been searching for a loved one off and on over the years. He is going to be 50 yrs. old this December. I wrote to Oprah back in the 80's and early 90's but never received a response. Life got in the way and I have just about given up. I am retired now and almost 70 yrs. old. I don't want to die without letting the child (man now) know I am alive. Thanks, A. Edmonds
Hi Katie,
I just wanted to tell you that what I see on tv about Troy is a reflection of you. I see one of the most sincere men and his way in talking with people is so kind and sincere. I am convinced that he must be a Christian and I pray that he is. You did a good job and let him know that the show is a blessing to watch. There is so much garbage on tv these days, but I know I can watch this and it is real, sincere and not offensive for me or my family. May God bless you and the team!
Hi Katie. It was such a pleasure speaking with you last week. You all have hearts of gold. Thank you so much for listening to my story. It made me feel like I'm not so alone in my search. Thanks again for all that you do. You guys are the ultimate search angels. :>)
Have a great day,
Robin
P.S. Is there a way I can contact you directly? I'd like to follow up on something we spoke about during our call. Thanks again.
First I will say that I love this show. I have a spouse who is adopted. I must say that I have always been one that feel it is great to find your long lost relatives or loved ones. However, I have always discouraged my spouse from seeking his birth mom until I started watching this show. My husbands adoptive (REAL parents ) are WONDERFUL parents. He and I both love them and I have always considered them like my own. He has expressed interest in finding his birth mom but like I said I am the biggest problem. When he brings up the subject I will often become angry because I don't want to hurt his "real" parents feelings nor do I want him to be the one to get hurt. I do not know what to do?
I will say that he did not come to his "real" parents until he was (I believe) between 13 and 17 months old. He was brought back in forth between foster homes and his birth mom multiple times. The state we live in was trying to give the birth mom a chance to "clean up" her act and raise "her son". Long story short she failed to do so and her rights were terminated and my husbands parents have raised a wonderful son.
My husband has had a lot of health issues over the years and that is one of the main reason why I fight to not look for this woman. I blame the birth mother for these health issues (the doctors clearly back up my claim). However, there is reasons to try to find her. In retrospect, I don't want my husband to get hurt if we find her and she doesn't want anything to do with him. What if she rejects him - how do I protect him from hurt again?
Is there advice you can give? I know I have to put my feelings aside and let him decide what is best for him because the decision is ultimately his. However, after eight years of medical problems I don't want him hurt nor do I want his parents to suffer - they have suffered enough. How do you not hurt the parents who sacrificed everything to rescue you? In turn you feel like your husband needs this to come full circle? Is there a book or material that can help with these questions? I know that I am not the only one with these questions that need answers…I also know that I am not the only wife that wants to help her husband find closure and receive answers from a birth mom that put her son through so much.. Maybe there are answers - are they simple ?
Does he have brothers or sisters that are going through the same issues that we are?
Can you help us find the answers or direct me in a path?
I watched the episode were the wife helped her husband located his mom and this has prompted me to find closure somehow - either start the process myself or encourage him to locate = FYI he does not have the anger issues that I have - he just wants answers.
Thank you for the advice that anyone can give…(Sorry so long…this is just my first time trying to seek answers and I don't know what to do…)
Hi Katie:
I would like you to thank Mr. Dunn for doing the work he is doing.
I didn't have his resources and spent from the day my daughter turned 18 in 1984 until early 2000 to find her, and thanks to the internet I did.
It is a difficult search whether ones is fortunate enough to hire an investigator or uses 'search angels' as I did. I know of many who have found their birth daughter or son or birth father or mother and not all are 'happy' reunions, but the searcher usually does find some peace at last.
The HOLE is finally able to start closing.
Again, please thank Mr. Dunn for the beautiful work he has done all these years and continues to do with his absolutely SUPER SUPER staff of investigators.
Sincerely,
Lauren
Hello Katie,
My name is Kathryn and I'm 19 years old. My father has been searching for his mother since he was young. She left him with her parents after my grandfather began to abuse her. She left El Salvador and no one has ever seen her since. And every time my father thinks he's on a path it always winds up being cold.
So You can imagine that when I heard about this show I ran to him and told him. He really wants to see his mother again and I want to meet my grandmother for the first time. My father has been without a mother since he was a child so its heartbreaking to see him think he'll never find her.
I was wondering if maybe you and/or Troy could help look for her. It would mean the world to him and me. Please contact me at gryffindorulez@aol.com.
Thank you,
Kathryn
In a world of so much negative news and depressing headlines how refreshing to watch the "Locator." I watched the show for the second time last evening. I grew up in era, when it was a given to eat Sunday dinner at my grandmothers house. Christmas and holidays were spent traveling from house to house enjoying the community of the family gathering and partaking of the feast of food prepared by some of the best cooks from the southeast. Now at the age of 63 I've lived to see the kind of changes in family life that have left me saddened at loosing the experiences I knew as a child growing up in the south. Your show is so heartwarming and for those of us who hold to a more idealistic view of family life it renews our faith in family and the human spirit. Had I not experienced such grand memories I might not have known how much I was missing. You can only grieve for that which you have tasted and perhaps there are many who feel as I do. My grandmother made the best blackberry cobbler I've ever eaten. I can still smell it's aroma and taste it's sweetness and I've yet to find another that would compare. The whole experience of the pie was much more than just the eating. It was about the experiences that went into making the pie a reality, from the torment of the briers in harvesting the berries, to the chigger bites that itched for days after a few minutes in a brier patch on a hot summers afternoon. It was the composite of all those experiences that made her cobbler taste so wonderful. I can still hear my mother hollering to us children to watch out for snakes in the bushes as we scurried with our buckets to pick the choicest fruit. The happiest of families learn early on how important the community of family is and work tenaciously to preserve it. I love the show!!! In closing, your promo's mention that your program is interested in reuniting friends too. I had a friend in Jr High that was very kind to me at a time when life was hard financially for my parents. She gave to me never expecting anything in return and many times fed me when I was hungry. I know only her name, that she played the violin and her dad was in the military. I wonder if that would be enough info to find her? I would love to thank her and tell her what her kind acts meant to me as a young girl of fourteen. I'm sure their are more pressing reunions than mine would be but it was just a thought and wanted to ask. Thanks!
How do you locate "The Locator"???
Dunn..Da..Dunn..Dunn. Holy smokes Troy Dunn has his own T.V. show now. I guess on an internet blog is not the most orthadox way of reconnecting but here I go. I guess for this story the setting takes place in Lehigh Acres where I went to high school. I went to school with Travis Dunn (Troy's brother) and hung out at his house. I knew Troy's and Travis' mother located people but I had know idea that Troy did as well. On the subject of Troy, everytime I think back and remeber him I can only remember the "senior grande" and the "chest bigger than this guy" stories. Oh and Troy taught me how to moonwalk too. Well if you guys havent guessed who I am by now I'll tell you. I'm Spencer DePew. I'd love to get back in conatct with you guys and catch up. I'll have to find a way to give you my phone # or e-mail without posting it for the whole world to see. Congrats on your new T.V. show, and I must say that Troy, you look great man.
So glad I watched!
Congratulations on your wonderful show! I did not miss a minute!
Like many of your viewers, I had tears at the reunions!
But mine are a little different - nearly 20 years ago, a cousin asked me to pray for her - she and her brother and sister were searching for a second Brother that her Mother, now aging and failing, was urged to place for adoption, at birth, for health reasons.
It was then that I remembered that, indeed, my Aunt, my own Baptismal Godmother, had developed some health problems, later mended, but at that time, she was told she must not take this baby, her fourth, home, or risk her life.
She did not see it, at childbirth; she had no idea of its gender or appearance. It was said to be best that way.
In grief and silence and prayer, my own Mother and I and the rest of our family, on all sides, supported my Aunt
in her decision, and prayed and hugged over it, but had to let it go.
So, all those years, the topic was never brought up.
Now, I am only a cousin - and yet, the news that the search was on for the missing Brother elated me, like forgiveness for some sin I never committed but which, nevertheless, left a weight, a burden, a spot of something we do not like, sitting out of sight and out of reach, all those years!
Locator databanks were new, and there was no path like "the Locator", to help, so it took years, but
my cousins succeeded in finding the Brother, who, coincidentally, had been trying to find them!
The meeting?
Words can not say it, adequately!
Jubilant! Holy? Blessed, at least!
Certainly!
We were all amazed - he looked just like his siblings, so the first moment we got sight of him there was no doubt.
The normal treats at the party for us to meet him, seemed from Heaven, for the event, and the good laughter rang all afternoon!
The peace and closure for my Aunt were a grace, a delight, and , although she died in 2002, her last years were a lot happier because of this life experience for all of us - the happiness kept us all wafting for quite some time!
Even years later, a gathering where the 'found' brother is present has a special happiness to it.
God Bless you in your wonderful work!
It's about Life, and, With all the angst in this life, one who is fully committed to making it better is a treasure!
Truly,
elle
p.s. hire my cousin, the investigator in the story - I'll bet she'd do it!