When Emotional Scars Lead to Physical Scars
When I go out to meet families prior to selecting the new Angel Case, I am looking for a reason to take a case. I'm looking for some sort of 'sign' that this is the most important case today. When I met Andrea, I knew, even before she spoke her first words to me, this was my case.As soon as I sat down, I couldn't help but notice Andreas arms were lined with what appeared to be knife slashes up and down her forearms. They were deep, wide and honestly, a bit alarming at first.
But as I spoke with Andrea, I quickly came to realize she was converting her emotional pain into physical wounds. It was very sad to hear and witness. While I've never understood self-mutilation, I certainly wanted the opportunity to help stop it, at least for this young woman. My belief was that if we could stop the emotional pain, perhaps we could stop the physical abuse of herself.
The journey with Andrea is not a smooth one and has its moments. But I do hope you will tune in and experience it with me. And by all means, if you have anyone in your life who suffers from this destructive illness they call "cutting", please invite them to watch with you. Maybe we can help others move past this to a better place. (By the way, we put this episode together in a very careful manner so as to not make it unfriendly to young children. Your family will be safe watching this episode. It may be a good conversation-starter.)
A WORD ABOUT ADOPTIVE PARENTS
Let me take a second to say something about adoptive parents. Too often I find myself discussing the "hole in the heart" of adoptees and birthmothers. I don't think I take enough time to bear testimony to just how extraordinary adoptive parents are. So for the record let me say that IS how I feel - adoptive parents truly are Angels from God. These souls are the reason a terrible situation for a birthmother becomes a solvable scenario. Adoptive parents are a big reason why many babies are not aborted. Adoptive parents are the primary reason why millions of children around the world are spared the pain of growing up in horrific circumstances. Let me shout from the rooftops that adoptive parents are wonderful blessings in the lives of adoptees, birthparents and society overall. To all adoptive parents everywhere I offer a sincere THANK YOU.
FUNNY MOMENT OF THE WEEK
If you follow me on Twitter, you know that I was in North Carolina this week working on a case. Well, while driving between Georgia and North Carolina on I-85, I noticed a minivan driving for miles and miles with her blinker on. (A personal pet-peeve of mine I must confess.) So I decided to pull up alongside and point that out to her since her window was rolled down. As soon as I had my van in line with hers, I started to holler over a message about her blinker, but was quickly interrupted by her suddenly screaming one word at the top of her lungs over and over... "LOCATOR! LOCATOR! LOCATOR!!" I just about swerved into the ditch I was so startled!
She then started pleading with me to pull over so she could tell me her story, but not feeling it was a safe thing to do, I urged her to just email it to me. (Keep in mind this entire conversation is happening at 70 mph!) She said to watch for an email with the subject line "crazy woman from I-85". So I am keeping an eye out! (If anyone is thinking about writing and pretending to be her, I gave her a clue word to include so as to make it easier to find her email, so don't even try to fake your way in! LOL)
NEW VIDEOS
WE TV has armed me with a Flip Cam so I can shoot behind-the-scenes video while out 'locating'. I've already shot 3 or 4 clips from my recent travels so look for those in the coming days. I'm having Treston (my 15 year old) upload them to WE TV website for me this week, so be sure to let me know what you think!
DO YOU HAVE A QUESTION?
Speaking of Treston, he is the one that helps me read thru 'fan mail' which is sent to our various websites. (He doesn't get to review the emails from those of you asking for locating help, just the non-locating emails with questions about other things.) He has been trying to pin me down for a few weeks now to shoot a little video where we go thru the most commonly asked questions from viewers and try to answer them. Soooo... if you have ANY question you would like to ask me (except for requests for search help - you can do that at troythelocator.com or wetv.com/thelocator) drop an email to trestondunn@gmail.com right now. He and I will be working on that video this week.
Well, back to work I go. Please continue to help me help others by keeping the show going and growing. In order to keep granting these wishes through the power of TV, we need to keep expanding the reach of the show. PLEASE get involved in actively spreading the word about what we are doing here at WE TV/The Locator. Blog about it, email your friends, write to your local media, whatever it takes. Let's keep family-friendly programming on the air!
Thank you for your kindness, your friendship and your prayers. My family and I are grateful to be able to share this journey with you and hope to meet you in person somewhere someday and thank you directly. in the meantime, know we are grateful.
God bless your family! Hold o tight to them!
Troy
"The Locator"
Twitter.com/thelocator
WE: Women's Entertainment and the logo are service marks of WE: Women's Entertainment LLC
Copyright 2009 WE: Women's Entertainment LLC. All rights reserved.
Copyright 2009 WE: Women's Entertainment LLC. All rights reserved.
I think all records should be open to the the ones that are adopted, they should be able to get when ever they want, they shouldnt have to pay a high price to see there past. Thats why I cant find my biological parents is because ever place runs into thousands of dollars that you hire and maybe a chance you never find anything out. I was told when I was 18 yrs old that kentucky catholic social services would give me the records when I was 21, but when I turned 21 yrs old they said they are not allowed to give any information, I really want to find my biological parents and it really aggravates me each time I look that I cant find anything out. I have 4 children and one has problems, and then my sister she is my blood sister we was adopted a yr apart from each other she has a little boy that has some really major problems and we really want to no what else runs in our family so we can prepare our selves for in the future. I really do love the people that have adopted me and my sister, I lost my mother when I was 17 yrs old and my father now has to have a kidney transplant and I am his donor we have surgery in december, even though I love them that much doesnt mean that I dont want to find my natural parents and it really hurts that I cant.
Kelli Jo
Scars? You want to see some scars? I am covered from the top of my head to the tip of my toes and these are NOT
from self mutilation but drug addiction. Then again, I suppose some people might consider them all the same thing.
Anyway - I have already done all the leg work regarding my birth mother. I was born in a hospital but soon after that, I
was in a penal institution of some kind when my mother was arrested for bad checks. She had already been married and had two other kids she was separated from. This is not a typical unwed mother story we're speaking of here. She had no choice but to surrender me for adoption.
I know everything actually - all the dirty details except my own mother's name.
I would like to know my name. I mean I do have one - besides my adoptive name, my birth mother made up a lovely name for me. Probably a combination of her favorite drink (Sherry) and her favorite actress (Anne Blythe).
Yes - my name is Sherry Anne Blythe. My mother's name was Jeanette - and her family came from Lousiana. Strange - when I was fourteen I fell in love with Louisiana and had photographs of it all over my wall.
The heart knows things that the mind can't always explain.
And just like my heart knew I was from Lousiana, my heart knows that my mother NEEDS for me to locate someone I'm related to so they can tell me her story.
I love my birth mother Jeanette. I don't CARE what mistakes she made. We all make mistakes. But it's no mistake that I love her.
I doubt she is alive. It concerns me she's in a potter's field.
I hope not.
I love you mother Jeanette.
Your daughter
Sherry Anne Blythe
Troy, thanks for taking the time to respond and for the opportunity to voice these views.
I wish this wasn't a matter of politics as adoptees like me didn't choose to make it so. The decision was made for us by legislatures who never (or rarely) have to face the people whose lives they've so profoundly affected.
I sincerely wish that adult adoptees could be treated like all other citizens in this regard and have the same rights as everyone else. For the time being we have to bear that fate which has been chosen for us until our state governments become more enlightened and appreciate the sad burdens they’re placing on families.
Family is paramount in knowing oneself and as such, I think that inserting laws or intermediaries that create barriers to families knowing each other are things we should all band together on to remove. As of adulthood, all people have to face difficult situations and choose those with whom they will or won’t build relationships. Opening birth records to adults would empower all affected to make the adult decisions to which we're all entitled.
While I believe your show offers an ideal venue to address this underlying cause of pain for so many families, in the end it is not my decision but yours to make.
Thank you again for your time and the forum.
An Ohio Adoptee
AnOhioAdoptee,
Thanks for posting your feelings about open adoption. I agree with the idea of adult adoptees having the option to discover their history. I believe a responsible and safe process for facilitating that is desperately needed.
While I think the situation is more complicated than some would like to believe it is, I am confident there is a proper way to handle it. In fact on a recent flight, I was seated next to a gentleman (lets call him a well-know national political figure) and I brought this exact conversation up with him. He was dead against the whole idea and then challenged me to persuade him otherwise. For the next 45 minutes I explained every facet of the open records vs closed records dillema to him. When I was finished, he said, "I've never heard it put that way before. If what you say is true, then I am changing my position!" I was shocked but pleased. As he left the plane, he turned back to me and said, "you should be a lobbyist!" LOL, uh no.
Education is the key.
I appreciate your suggestions about the show, but I am not going to use the show as a political platform. We have fans from all sides of the political spectrum and I love them all. Reconnecting fractured families is something important to all families, regardless of political persuation. Family is a universal value and THAT is what The Locator show is driving home- the value of family.
Things like open records become obvious as you see the outcome of these journeys.
For the record, I AM available to speak to the issue of open records wherever, whenever.
Just in case it isn’t clear to your viewers, many adoptees are unable to find their own birth parents because many states have sealed their adoption birth records. This prevents, by law, even adult adoptees from accessing information held on file that would allow them to identify their biological roots.
Any chance the show will take on the larger and probably more profound goal of championing the opening of state adoption records? As an Ohio adoptee born between 1964 and 1996, I'm denied access to the very records that all non-adoptees get as a birthright: a birth certificate and access to my biological parents’ identifying information.
I’m sure you’d agree that the best thing in the world for your adoptee clients would be for your services to become obsolete. Making the state adoption documents public would go a long way towards freeing adult adoptees from having to seek help in finding the people responsible for their birth.
It would be fantastic if you'd encourage your viewers to write state legislatures to change the outdated and unjust laws that deny adult adoptees access to their birth records. Perhaps you could “sponsor” a given state for each episode you do on adoption and encourage the viewers to petition that state’s legislature that week. It might also help to provide the relevant contact information to the state representatives and a sample petition letter on a page in your website.
Thank you for the opportunity to share this post,
An Ohio Adoptee