The (Baby) Name Game

There's a reason pregnant women don't always want to share the names they've picked out.

By Meagan Francis

"So, have a name picked out yet?"

If I had a ten-spot for every person who's asked me this question over the last month or two--particularly since we found out the baby's gender--I'd be able to buy myself a new maternity wardrobe. (I'd probably start with this, but I guess that's beside the point...)

I don't blame people for asking. It's in the universal Top Ten Conversation-Starters With Pregnant Women, and is certainly more polite than asking whether the pregnancy was planned or how her sex life is going.

So I hope it won't offend people to know that I've been less than 100 percent honest when they ask about our name plans. I've been purposely cagey, giving answers like "Hmm, we haven't really narrowed it down yet," or "We'll probably wait until the end to decide."

The truth is, we've got a few names picked out, and I'm pretty sure we'll end up using one of them in the end. But for my husband and me, coming up with names isn't easy. It usually goes something like this: I carefully pore over baby-name books and toss out three or four dozen possibilities, which he shoots down one by one with a grunt, a laugh, or sometimes, simply a look of utter disgust. When he's willing to consider a name, he responds by saying "Hmm." That's my signal that a name can go on the list for reconsideration later. If I wait a few days and bring it up again, he'll sometimes laugh, grunt, or stare at me just as though it was the first time he ever heard it. But once in a while, he'll say "I kind of like it."

Excitement! That means the name can go on my short list. Once in a while, I get an even more favorable response--he skips the "Hmm" entirely and goes straight to "I like that one." In that case, the name immediately goes to the top of my list. Note: this happens very rarely--at most once or twice per pregnancy.

As you can see, it's a tricky process fraught with much strategizing and manipulation. So when I finally come up with a list of 2-3 names that I like and my husband doesn't gag at, I am a bit protective of them.

Because before you have actually put a name on a birth certificate, people feel free to weigh in on your choices with all manner of criticism. There's the old "But it rhymes with" critique: "Mary? But that rhymes with HAIRY! All the kids will call her HAIRY MARY!"

There's also the "But I knew a jerk by that name once" critique. "Susan? Ugh. In high school I knew this girl named Susan that was such a snob!"

Then there's the "Polite lack of response that actually means they hate it." This one is usually raised eyebrows, and a "Ohh...that's unusual." (or "interesting").  Usually this one is quickly followed by "How about Emily?"

So please don't blame me for keeping these cards close to my chest. With so precious few names that we can actually agree on, I simply can't take the risk that people will hate them and deflate my enthusiasm.

I promise we'll tell everyone the baby's name...just as soon as the ink is dry on the birth certificate worksheet. At that point, reasonable people know that the only acceptable thing to say is "Great choice!"

And I'll be happy to agree.