Surviving New Motherhood

An experienced mom shares three rules for adjusting to having a baby while keeping your sanity.

By Meagan Francis

It's no wonder so many new moms wind up frazzled and unsure they're up to the challenge of motherhood: sure, you want to enjoy that warm, milky little bundle of baby, but you've got a lot of obstacles to contend with first. Maybe that little bundle cries whenever you put her down, so your unshowered body is beginning to mildew and your un-brushed hair has created a gnarled mess of knots at the back of your head. Maybe you've watched so many daytime talk shows that you're beginning to believe the whole world is full of people cheating on their spouses with their first cousins and parents sending their rebellious teens to boot camp.



If any of this is sounding familiar, take heart: I've been there and lived to see the other side. And along the way I've created a few rules for myself to help make life as a new mom much more bearable.

Rule 1: Take a shower. Every day.
I know, you're not going anywhere, so you may as well stay in those ratty pajamas and the milk-stained t-shirt for at least another couple of days...right?

Wrong. Taking a shower is a quick, easy thing you can do for yourself every day to help you feel like a human being (and not smell like a barnyard).  Put a bouncy seat on your bathroom floor, safely stash baby inside, and hit the water. Babies don't always love this ritual, and you may find yourself cutting corners to get the shower over with quickly. That's okay. You don't have to wash your hair and shave your legs every day; just do whatever you can to freshen up a bit.

Rule 2: Get enough sleep.
"Sleep when the baby sleeps" is the general advice, but naps don't come easily for everyone. If I try to fall asleep in the middle of the day worrying that any minute the baby will wake up, it won't happen and I'll just end up frustrated.

So what I've learned to do is go to bed at night when the baby does. The idea of "alone time" at night is tempting, but an hour of surfing the Internet doesn't really compare to the ability to drive a car or cook a meal safely.  Sleep deprivation totally screws with a mom's personality, focus, and ability to care for (and enjoy) your baby. I've learned to avoid it at all costs.

Rule 3: Ask for help.
And be specific about what's helpful to you. For example, after holding a baby all day, I don't want somebody to come over and do my dishes. I want them to come hold the baby so I can do my own dishes! Being able to take over little household tasks helps me feel normal and capable again, so I'm much more likely to ask for help with Baby so I can get up, move around and do something besides breastfeed. Or sometimes I just want a friend to come over and sit on my sofa so I have another adult to talk to. Help can take many forms, so ask for whatever makes you feel better.

New motherhood isn't always a joy. In fact, for some women it's boring, frustrating and miserable, especially when you have one of those babies who won't sleep or cry constantly (been there...twice). The good and bad news is that it never lasts forever. Clara's a month old and I know that the day is right around the corner when this scrunched-up little lump will start sitting up, eating real food, and dragging me along on a whole new motherhood adventure.

So right now I'm just trying to take lots of pictures. Because if there's one other thing I've learned? It's that sleep-deprived brains are very forgetful.