Sleep Politics

Why is everyone so up in arms about where babies sleep?

By Meagan Francis

When my first son was born, I had this intense, hormone-ridden inclination not to put him down, so the first night home from the hospital, I bypassed the waiting crib and brought him into my bed.

I found that we slept much better than the up-all-night-feeding hell I'd been warned to expect: since I didn't have to get out of bed to nurse him, we both stayed comfortable and groggy during feedings and fell easily back to sleep afterward. I also found that instead of worrying whether he was okay all night, I was "tuned-in" to him, often waking up just seconds before he began to wake himself, or reaching out to nudge him if his breathing became irregular.



Everything was going well until I encountered my first run-in with the sleep police: at a routine well-baby checkup with our pediatrician, she asked me how the baby was sleeping.

"Great!" I said.
"How often does he wake up at night?" she asked.
"Ummm...I'm really not sure," I admitted. After all, I wasn't waking fully to feed him, and I wasn't keeping track--I just knew he was eating when he was hungry.
"Is he sleeping in your bed?" she asked, eyebrows askance. I nodded, sensing her disapproval. "Well, what can I do to talk you out of that?" she chided.

I didn't know what to say. I thought it was working just fine--Jacob was eating well, healthy, and we were both getting enough rest. If it wasn't broke, why fix it? Even though logically I felt he would be just fine in my bed, a small seed of doubt had been planted.

It wasn't the last time my confidence would be shaken, and 11 years later the "sleep police" are still at it. A recent blog post by Consumer Reports suggesting that co-sleeping (and co-sleeping products as well as slings) is unsafe sparked a fresh debate on the family bed issue, and pretty much every mainstream organization, including the American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) decries co-sleeping.

But other experts point out that studies that say co-sleeping is unsafe are flawed, because they don't take into account babies who were sleeping alone or with a sibling in an adult bed, or other factors like how safe the sleep environment was (look at this website for information about how to co-sleep safely).

I eventually overcame my doubt and enjoyed sleeping next to each of my children. My older kids are now well-adjusted, appropriately independent boys who sleep in their own beds, and Clara has taken their place. I'm very conscientious about her surroundings as she sleeps, making sure she has plenty of room, no blankets or pillows near her, and is sleeping on her back. I'm also very aware of her at night, waking up every once in a while to put a hand on her stomach and make sure she's OK. I've noticed that her breathing patterns mimic mine: if I sigh, she sighs. Even with all the waking I do through the night, I know I'm a lot better rested than I would be if I had to get up and get out of bed every time I wanted to feed her. And in my book, not being sleep deprived makes me a much better, safer mom.

I'm not arguing that all parents should sleep with their babies. But this issue is a lot more complex than a set of risk factors. Parents being able to get enough sleep counts, too, as does the simple desire to be close to your infant. And there are many ways to co-sleep, some safe, some unsafe...just as some cribs are unsafe. Otherwise they wouldn't be recalled so often.

And the simple truth is, life with a baby is full of risks. Every time we buckle our babies into the car to go to the grocery store, or give them a bath, or carry them down the stairs, we are putting them at risk.

What does the AAP have to say about that?