Strangest Baby Products Ever

Scouring the Web for new baby stuff brings up a plethora of new and strange baby gear.

by Meagan Francis

Within months of the birth of my last baby, I gave away all my baby gear--a collection that had taken me nearly seven years to acquire.

Car seats. Slings and baby carriers. Itty-bitty washcloths and receiving blankets. A baby bathtub, a bouncy seat, a huge stack of cloth diapers. Toys that squeak, toys that rattle, and toys that light up and play annoying music (I wasn't very sorry to see those go). Gone, all of it, cast gleefully away to expecting friends, family, and the Salvation Army.

Then I got pregnant with Clara. And while shopping for all new baby gear was kind of a bummer, it also provided me with hours of entertainment. A quick Google search for "baby products" brings up a bundle of products that, while certainly unique, had me shaking my head and often shaking with laughter:



The Weeblock:

Baby boys have an uncanny talent for waiting until that perfect moment--usually, the instant you've removed their diaper and hover vulnerably above them--to let loose of the hold on their teeny bladders. For the unlucky diaper-changer, this can mean anything from a soaked chest to a ruined hairdo, or, if their mouth was open and the child had exceptional aim, a dash to the bathroom for emergency tooth-brushing.

But now, lucky parents can protect themselves with the Weeblock, a teeny athletic-cup shaped device that covers the offending part and is intended to soak up any errant...wee. Offered in a variety of fun colors and patterns like Whizz Kid, Wee-Wee Man and Ladies' Man, the Weeblock is available at www.sozousa.com and costs $10 plus shipping.

The Thudguard

Finally, for every anxious mother who's ever shouted out "Junior, mind your fontanel!" comes a product sure to ease the stress of watching their baby take his first teetering steps. Designed by a Scottish mother, the Thudguard is a brightly-colored foam "safety hat" that's intended to cushion the bumps and thumps of learning to walk.

Funny, I always thought those bumps and thumps were what helped kids learn to stop falling. If every fall ends in a cushy bounce, where's the incentive to learn to stay upright?

But if you're not a big meanie like me, feel free to visit www.thudguard.com to order your baby safety helmet. Only $39.99 plus shipping to the US, and your baby's on her way to a bruise-free noggin.

Only, please...take it off before she goes to kindergarten, okay?

Baby Bangs Hair Bands

Tired of your balding baby messing up every family photo shoot? Wishing people would stop assuming "she's" a "he" or thinking she has alopecia? Well, wish no more. Baby Bangs Hair Bands gives your infant luxurious, "realistic" looking curls and waves, perfect for...well...uh...wait, why on earth would anyone buy this?? Babies are bald sometimes, people; this isn't news, and it doesn't need to be remedied with a baby version of a wig. What's next, baby boob jobs? Can't we give even infants a little bit of time to adjust to the world before we start forcing more grown-up beauty on them? (Sorry, but it's just not normal for a nine-month-old baby to have thick, flowing locks. It looks ridiculous.)

No thank you. I'll take Clara's smooth, nearly-hairless noggin and keep my $29.95 and self-respect. But if your baby's 'do is really important to you--or if you'd like to point and laugh along with me--head over to www.babybangshairband.com

What hilarious or strange baby products have you seen lately?