Some women dream since childhood about the fairy tale day when their real life Prince Charming will get down on bended knee, present them with a jewelry box (complete with blinding diamond ring) and pop the question. And then there are other women who toss tradition aside … by taking marriage into their own hands. From Friends character Monica Geller to rocker Pink, more and more women are proving they don’t need him to ask her to live happily ever after.  

In some cases, it’s all about being in the right place at the right time. Kim, a real estate developer in San Francisco, was traveling around the world with her long-term boyfriend Will. On a bus in Nepal, Will began talking about their wedding, although they weren’t yet engaged. Kim was then struck with the idea that she absolutely had to get engaged at the top of Thorong La, the highest point (17,769 ft.) of a five hour trek they were planning to do. If Will didn’t already have a pre-conceived plan (or mind-reading powers) to pop the question there … she would.

After a lengthy hike, they arrived at the top just as the sun was rising. Due to the high elevation, Will wasn’t feeling so hot. After taking a few pictures; he suggested they head back down. But Kim yelled, “Wait. Come here!” Will turned around with a knowing sparkle in his eye, sat next to her on a rock, and she asked him to marry her. He said yes.

Was she nervous about making the move? According to Kim, “I didn't want to steal his thunder and I did worry that he might have something planned for our proposal. But after two weeks of hiking and thinking about this place, the highest place that we are likely to have walked to together, I just could not let my hesitation get in the way. I'm not really a big tradition person either.”

Will was ecstatic. Kim cried. And their families were thrilled that after over five years of dating, they were finally getting hitched, no matter who asked who.

Hildie, a writer in Arlington, Virginia has been married to the man she proposed to for the past 13 years. They had been living together for about a year when he suggested they buy a house. She was hesitant about the idea, but ultimately agreed with the caveat that she would decide when they would get married. While they both knew early on that they were destined to be together, she felt more comfortable deciding when the proposal would occur. She said, “I’m not that traditional. In fact, I think that the idea of having to make a split second decision about marriage in response to a surprise might really throw me.”

Another year later, on a vacation to Cape Cod, Hildie asked her boyfriend to read her latest “short story”.
“I dragged him out to the beach right after we arrived. The scene was perfect, breaking waves, craggy rocks, some kids and a golden retriever frolicking nearby. And as we stared into the surf, I said, ‘Oh, I wrote a new story and I want you to read it. Yes, right now.’ And I extracted the folded up pages from my tiny purse. The proposal was on the first page, but I stapled extra paper to it for effect.”

While the notion of women proposing to men is becoming more common, the trend of reversing gender roles when it comes to romance may not be sweeping the masses just yet.

According to clinical psychologist, Ellen Casper, “It breaks with tradition. But there are a lot of ways that women have broken tradition in the last thirty years. It would take a confident, self assured man to accept a change in this tradition. The right guy could be very responsive and might find it kind of sexy.”

April, a marketing consultant in New York said, "Although my boyfriend is on the slow path when it comes to marriage, there is no way I would propose to speed the process along. Call me old fashioned, but I am that girl that definitely has a vision of a man on his knee proposing and this is one thing I am not changing my view on."

Jessica, a PhD candidate at Brown simply wondered, “Does this mean you have to give him a diamond ring? Or do you buy yourself one in the hopes he will say yes? That would be fantastic. ‘Will you marry me? Yes? Ok now put the ring I bought myself on my finger.’ Really takes the romance out of it.”

Not necessarily. Hildie bought a set of silver rings, which her and her husband swapped for gold rings when they got married. Kim and Will picked out an engagement ring for her several months (and several countries) later.

Another couple found that their marriage fell into place without an actual proposal at all… thanks to Bob Dylan, and a house in New Jersey.

Nancy and Bill were introduced by their daughters, who had become friends after starring on a reality TV show together. Nancy was divorced, and Bill was widowed. After several whirlwind dates, they began splitting their time between his home in Connecticut, and hers in New Jersey.

In just a few short months, Nancy said, “It seemed that we spent a lot of our time driving around showing each other how nice our areas were, maybe in the hopes that we could get the other to move. Being a realtor, I had access to listings. So, one day I sent him an email including three houses. He wrote back, ‘Can we see this one tomorrow?’”
They fell in love with the house and made an offer together. Now enter “Bob Dylan”.

Bill wanted to surprise Nancy at her office by having the lead singer of a Bob Dylan tribute band serenade her. Instead, “Bob” invited them to his concert at the BB King Blues Club in New York.

On her way to the show, Nancy received a call that the house was theirs.  

After the performance, they were chatting with the lead singer when Bill suddenly asked, “Do you ever perform at weddings?”

(In case you’re wondering, they had only done birthday parties.)

Nancy jokes that it was less of a proposal and more of a business deal. “First buy the house, and then see if the band played weddings. Instead of ‘Will you marry me?’ it was more like ‘We should set a date.’"

The “non-proposal” was the perfect way to take their relationship to the next level. According to Nancy, “It had to do with where we were in our lives … the sensitivity of him recently being widowed and someone who has been divorced for so many years. I don’t think I ever thought of myself as being married again. I had been divorced for so long. And there was a lot of stuff happening at one time, like finding out the house was going to be ours. It was just not the first thing on my mind. If he had done the whole proposal route, I don’t know how I would have handled it.

Thirteen months after some match-making by their daughters, “Bob Dylan” serenaded them both, at their wedding … in their new house.

Whether the impetus to take the plunge involves a bus in Nepal or a rock icon tribute band, these stories prove it’s not about who asks (or doesn’t ask) who. All that really matters is that you both say ‘I do.’

Jessica Solloway is a freelance writer and producer. She recently relocated from New York to Washington, DC and enjoys not getting lost in her new neighborhood, bad reality TV shows, and writing about various lifestyle topics of interest to women. She received her degree in Journalism from the University of Wisconsin-Madison.