When you told one another that you would be there for each other “in sickness and in health," you meant it. But even with the best intentions, it's not always easy to know how to do just that. While each couple has their unique needs and circumstances, here are some things to think about when talking to your partner or spouse about breast cancer.

Communication Is Key

You can and should tell him the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth! Unlike political candidates, you won't be labeled a flip flopper if you need something one instant, and another thing a day—or even an hour—later. Depending on your diagnosis, symptoms, and medical needs, you may need to be in contact more often, or in new ways. Invest in a PDA so you can have access to e-mail, SMS messages, and phone calls. (There are hundreds of handheld devices to invest in, and this is definitely the type of retail therapy you can write off because of its health benefits.)

According to Men Against Breast Cancer, which helps men help their loved ones who are suffering from breast cancer, it's important to let your man know he can be there for you. Let him reassure you of his unconditional love, offer you moral support, and listen without trying to fix the situation or pass judgment.

Am I Still Beautiful?

The occurrence of breast cancer inevitably gives rise to questions about one's sexuality, femininity, and beauty. Breast cancer tends to strike women at a time when they're already facing issues about getting older.  One cancer survivor, a 60-something attorney, who had breast cancer at age 29 and then again at 36, said, "Just as women finally get comfortable in their own skin, your skin changes in a way you never imagined!" You can communicate your feelings about these physical changes to your spouse. In turn, let him know he can look at your scars and feel the scars when you are both ready, as well as help shop for a wig, scarf, hat, or prosthesis.

Can I Get You Anything?

Now you can give your partner a list and expect him to bring home everything on it! He can do everything from screen phone calls from well-meaning friends and relatives to take over household chores. If your husband needs help, he can call on mutual friends or relatives. This temporary respite from everyday stresses can help you deal with your treatment and recovery.

The Husband Is In

Okay, so you may not want to stop taking care of business as usual, but letting your partner be your right-hand man can help you keep your eyes on the prize: healing. Ask him to oversee the financial and insurance matters or, at the very least, share responsibility for them. He can also research information about medicine, doctors, alternative practices, treatments, and hospitals.

You and your partner can keep a shared calendar of when you have appointments, tests, and meetings with doctors. If it's possible for your spouse to attend the doctor’s appointments, he can keep notes. Moreover, he may be able to serve as your advocate (and buffer) with insurance and the hospital administrators. And who wouldn't be happy to have a chauffeur who can deal with parking?

For more information, we recommend these resources:

The National Cancer Institute is a rich resource of medical journals and other information, including the latest research on cancer, prevention, chemotherapy, and medicine.

Gilda's Club offers community support groups for cancer survivors, family members, and friends.

Men Against Breast Cancer is mainly for men whose wives and partners have breast cancer, although it does have some information for men who have breast cancer.