should i stay or go ?
i have been married for eight months everything was fine, all of a sudden we starded arguing, about the boys,my boys,we do not have children together,he feels like the boys does not behave properly inside or outside,i ccought him talking to his mother about the boys how they don't behave.He says i spoiled the boys
if the boys do not want a certain type of food i gave them something else how i gave them too many choices they should be able to eat whatever we give them,my boys can be picky eaters but i am not going to force them to eat something they don't want.So yesterday he gave me his ring back and said to me he does'nt we can be together anymore because i cannot control my kids.i did not marry this man just to get a divorce eight months later.He came right out and told me he can't stand my kids how he wants peace. Excuse for me for this, that motherfucker knew
i had two kids before he married me all of a sudden it is a problem for him,i would like to fix things but i don't think he wants to,he just want out, i have all this anger
and pain inside,i do not know what to do about it,we did not sleep inth same bed last night, because i did not want to be next him that is how angry i am right now.Can anyone relate to what i am going through?
i do not know what to do about this ,help.thank you
Yes I can relate to you on this one, if he wants to go let him. Why hang on to someone who doesn't want to be there. He reminds me of my ex-Ass husband. he was so jealous of my son. (my son was only a year old when we married). He did not want me to show my son any affection, he CLAIMED that if a woman held her son a lot that it would make him gay (I asked if he knew this on a personal level). I was young and weak and my son ended up staying with my parents. It took me a while to become brave and leave the sick SOB and bring my son back home to me where he belonged. Call his bluff and send him packing. If your sons are rather young they are still learning how to behave and all children are picky eaters, it's just the way you handle it that matters. And like you said before, he knew you had kids went you first got together. Let out your anger in a constructive manner and figure out what you want out of this relationship. Then handle it. Whatever may happen be prepared.
First thing first..yes he knew you have kids..but are they really out of control or just a little hyper? Do you feed them what they like? When i was younger my step mother used to pull the whole eat it or you are not leaving the table nonsence and my father got into is also because he could not stand up to her. Today i have some food issues so do NOT let him do that. To be honest though this can not be the only issue. Sometimes men are llittle boys. Could it be that he is just jealous of your son's and how you give them attention. I bet you money that is what it is. Take your kids out of the equation...does he complain that he never gets any alone time with you...does not get to talk to you enough?
also if you have been married for 8 months why are you psting about getting married?? Just curious.
I know how you feel I have a newborn son with my soon to be husbands brother. I was with his brother for the first five months of my pregnancy and when we split i fell in love with him and he knew i was pregnaunt but he thinks that my son gets in the way of our relationship because i put him first. but he has two kids of his own and he puts them first and he doesn't think it is anything the same. So the other day he told me that if i didn't have a baby with him he was leaving and i told him to go if that is what he really wants and geuss what he stayed so you should call your husband on his leaving threat.
yes i have been where you are now. my best advice is to tell hiom you know what you were getting in to when we meet now you want to excuse me for these words bicth and complain. grow some balls and grow up. you wanted me this is a packed deal. love me or don't. but this is our family
That really scares me because I have 3 kids and my fiance has one and we argue a lot about the kids. I have 2 boys and 1 girl and he doesn't have anything to do with my boys. He is constantly telling me that my oldest son, who is 8, is going to wind up in jail one day beacause of his behaviour. My son is only lashing out because he wonders why my fiance doesn't love him or have fun with him. His family is the worst, they treat my son like he is satan. My son was a good kid before we moved in with my fiance. When my son does something wrong, my fiance wants to send him to his room for 2 months and thats just way to harsh. The worst my son is doing is just being a kid. Hes not hitting people, hurting animals, cursing, screaming, hes just being a boy. When my fiance was a kid he had it rough. His grandfather back handed him for slurping his spaghetti and knocked him in the floor. I am not going to put up with this overly strict shit with my kids. So I wonder why the hell I'm even with him. He's such a sweet guy and so respectful toward me. He treats me like queen, but I don't think It's worth it anymore. My kids come first. I don't need a man I'm better off raising my kids alone.
First thing, you need to tell him that your kids come first, in-till he his able to carry children and give birth and feel the connection of what a mother has with her offspring, he should be not making such demands.
Second, you should send the kids to you parents one night and have a talk with your newly wed husband because your children should not be present with him in such a rage and have a talk with him about how he is acting (((no women wants a man to act as a two year old)), tell him that all children up till they are sixteen are picky eaters even psychologist have the reasons for it (will not go in more detail)).
Next, you need to tell him to explain why the kids are bothering him so much? find out why, if it just because he losing his marbles tell him to get his stuff and leave, and have the phone by you so that if he does anything you have it just in case. I say this because you do not need to put up with someone who sounds like he has some built up emotions and rage. You and your children do not need to deal with such problems.
By the was you and you newlywed husband should have sat down before you got married and discus the raising of the children and what goes on with raising with a child so that he may feel more able to take care of the kids then feeling at a loss of what to do since he does not have any, and so that he is on the same page with you on dealing with the kids.
By the way, how long have you know the man you married? Did he interact with your children before you got married? My advice to all is before you get married have your children to interact with the person you are going to marry so that your child feel comfortable and understands the person you are going to marry.
Well i'm a married counselor and I will be happy to help you. First when your husband started talking on your children? What did you do. Did you ever talk to your husband and ask him why he is saying these things about your children,
And before you got married, was you able to talk about how you was going to raise them. And who was going to discipline the children since he is the step father only you can discipline your children. And if is something he don’t agree with, when the children is not around you should talk about. And let him know that the things he say is not helping the situation any.
I see these situations all the time when blended family that come together. It’s hard for the children to except the step-mother or father that’s now going into their life and things or going to change for them and let me tell you is not easy for a child.
First of all, if this man cannot accept your children, he cannot accept you, because your children are apart of you they will always be there, and the door is always opened for him to walk his dumb ass out of it!! I can't say I know what you are going through personally, but i can say that the relationship that you have with your children can never compare to the relationship with a "new" spouse. Because men come and go, but your kids are not going anywhere until you put them out at 18 LOL!! Good luck with this and Be Blessed.
First thing you married for better or worse NO? How old are you? I have been married for 19 years and I will tell you honey there have been issues far worse than yours that I have dealt with. If you were not ready for the fight or the committment why did you get married? Your kids will always be your babies but once you marry you must allow your spouse to be a part of their upbringing or things will always be at a stand still. Do you love the guy? Are you miffed because he has different ways of bringing up the kids. Get a clue.....if he is a good man and you can talk things out...you must work things out. If he's abusing your kids then move on but if he is just trying to discipline your kids then I suggest you step back and take a look before you loose a good man. People take a while getting used to...if he is a good man your children will learn to love him and you will love him more for it. GET A GRIP WOMAN!
I was going through the same thing except im not married to him. Ive been with him for three years and that was our only issue.Yes first thing is first. He knew that you had kids and kids do come first. But at the same time a child is a child and I can tell you first hand that a parent never wants to hear what their child is doing wrong. but how can he say that he does not stand your kids. He has some nerve. If that is how he feels then just say the hell with him. That is the last thing you need is a man who don't like kids. But in my case the kids weren't listening and being very hard headed which i totally understood where my boyfriend was coming from because if you are going to leave your kids with someone they have to mind the person that they are with. And dont divorce because your kids don't like a certain food. That is petty girl. Maybe you just need to take his advice and look at your kids from his point of view. People don't want to admit it but when you are in a relationship and you already have a kid, problems arise and compromises need to be made if you want be a real family. Good luck girl!!!!!!!!!
thank you, Fabulosity85 and Cuestahome for your
comments,he love kids,he just does'nt like the way
my 8 year old does not listen and answer back to me.
he feels that is rude and unacceptable,he said he cannot stand the way i let them run a mock wherever we go. So we talk about it and he says that i have to start first and he will follow that way he's not being the bad guy in theire eyes,we came to understand and find a way to raise the boys together it has been much easier yes he is a very good man not abusive toward the boys at all or me
things are going good,we are planning for our big wedding next year,thank you both for your positive feedback unlike the others that told ma to run for the hills and yes i do love this man with every fiber
of my being,fot better or worse.thanks
You're "not going to force them to eat something they don't want?" Warning flag! Hello? If you let kids eat whatever they want they'll eat nothing but popsicles and macaroni and cheese. Waht else do you let them get away with? Are you the Mother or not? Haven't your ever been around a parent who let's their kids walk all over them and it drives you crazy? In his mind, he probably sees you enabling your kids bad behavior and he's feeling helpless sitting on the sidelines. And he's probably not all wrong. You are in this together and maybe you should let him contribute as a Father figure as well.
Hey you are welcome and I hope you and your man work on things and come to an understanding. When you are first married things are oh so wonderful because your love is new and the relationship has just begun. About five years into the marriage there will be a bit of a tug of war between you. Take deep breaths all through this time. Some days you'll love him and some you WON'T. Don't worry its all natural and par for the course. After you and your boys get used to his being around and his ways your lives will fall into place just as you imagined so many years before or even just the day before your wedding. It all works out in the end. Love him and show your boys how to love him and in the end your boys will love YOU with a greater respect and you will love your HUSBAND all the more! GOD BLESS YOU AND YOUR FAMILY!
Later,
Kimmie
im sorry i cant relate to ur problem ,but all i can say that with evrything that i read on all these comments i just gotta say that im a very lucky person ,ive been married for 10 yrs. But if anything were ever to happend and for some reason me and my husband would come down to getting a divorce i dont think i would be able to move on and continue to date or remmarie in the future ,u see im a mother of 3 beutiful girls and with everything thats going on now days i dont think id be able to stand anybody telling or doing somethin to any of my kids so in my case i recommend that u just wait and enjoy been a mother wile u still can cause life goes by so fast and theres always time for dating. A FRIEND