When love takes a vacation...

Here's a question for Amy vs. John or anyone who can give me any insight. My high school love and I married shortly after graduation. This was, in part, due to the fact that we got pregnant and also because we were madly in love. He and I have always had one of those wild and fiery types of relationships. We have an almost unhealthy obsession with one another. However, it seemed from the time he put that ring on my finger, he slowly became a different person. He had a job that caused him to travel a lot and was gone for weeks at a time. When he did come home we spent most of our time fighting over money, chores, and our daughter. A lot of times, when he did come home, he would take off to go spend all day and evening with his parents or friends and still manage to stay away from me and our girl. There was also a lot of resentment on my part because I gave up going to college in order to take care of our family while he followed his dreams and left us alone for long periods of time. I felt very much like I was in this relationship by myself. After one year of marriage, we divorced. After that, I started college, had a few other relationships, and generally began a whole new way of life. During the last nine years, we have continued an on again/off again relationship which finally resulted in me getting pregnant again. We now have a beautiful baby boy and we have began a steady relationship of living together and talks of remarrying. For almost a year we went through a honeymoon type period where he was attentive, helpful, and we were really happy. Unfortunately, I am beginning to once again see the trend that ended our marriage in the past. He still works the same job, which I have come to terms with because he is supporting our family while I continue my education. We have agreed that he will switch to a more localized employment once I receive my degree and begin working. The problems with his involvement with this family remain the same. When he is home he spends little or no time at all with our daughter unless she's in trouble for something and he is disciplining her. He doesn't help with our infant son unless I force him to do so because I need to cook dinner or do some other chore and his intimacy with me is less than productive. This last time, he was gone for three weeks and when he came home we didn't even sleep in the same bed. He fell asleep on the couch and I was unable to wake him to go to the bedroom. When we went to his parents' house for Halloween, I noticed something that I hadn't really seen before, this behavior is very similar to the behavior in his parents' house. His dad will sit in front of the television while ridiculing his children and his mother does all the entertaining, cooking, and cleaning. I love this man with all my heart and I want to see us work this out, but I don't know what to do. The last time we went through this, talking to him didn't help. He didn't seem to understand my feelings and I think now that had something to do with the way he was brought up. The way his parents never show affection and the roles they choose to have in their relationship are exactly the way he is with me. How can I save this relationship, restore a sense of harmony to my family, and make sure that history does not repeat itself? Do you have any suggestions and advice on how to do those three things?