Worried. Just need a bit of advice.
My fiance and I have been engaged for 6months now and our wedding is set for June 6th 09, and this is the third date we have set and this was suppose to be the last. I'm starting to think we should not get married in June. In order for us to get married we would have to take out a bank loan and I'm afraid of it hindering our future. My parents are beyond in debt so they can not help us and his parents don't like me, so they won't help. So I'm just wondering if I should call it off and try to continue to work on my realtionship with his parents so we have their blessing and their help or just go ahead with June. What would you do?
I think you are on the right track, mentally. It seems as though you feel insecure with the situation in general and that's not necessarily a bad thing. It's great you want to strengthen your relationship with his parents...it may help you out in the end. Once you have their blessing (do you think that's even attainable?) they may even be willing to help you and your fiance out with the wedding. Also, don't put yourself into any debt, especially at a time like this with the recession going on. It is important to have some sort of security to fall back on and not worry about owing money to a bank. If the both of you know you want each other ultimately in the end, I wouldn't worry about having to reschedule the wedding date. The time will come when things are a bit better financially and with the family. Use this time to continue to save and strengthen the relationships with your families and your fiance. I think it will be better for you in the end. =)
Dear CA girl,
You wrote this quite a while ago. I hope it's not too late.
I am in my 50's. I had a wedding many years ago. I also have many years of experience working for caterers in a major city. I have two daughters 27, and 32.
The solution would be to have a destination wedding. That way you will have beautiful photos, a honeymoon and the people who really care will find a way to get there.
Your parents can probably afford a long weekend to Jamaica or Mexico must more easily and enjoy themselves too without going into debt.
Besides, the friends you have now, you probably won't remember in ten years anyway.
We all dream of having a big wedding, but it's gotten so out of control, it is no longer practical.
If you have a very good man, good relationship and share the same values, you are way ahead of the game. It's better than a bad relationship and a great wedding. If you think weddings are expensive, you won't believe what economic havoc a divorce can be!
Save for your own home and have a housewarming party. You can then invite the friends who couldn't make it to the wedding and it will be a lot cheaper.
Now for the in-laws:
I was a sweet innocent thing when I met my husband. His parents were never nice to me even though I was raised to respect my elders and kissed their butts.
I only recall disagreeing with them over something minor once or twice. I realized early on, I could never win.
Here is what I did and it worked great! (This is about the only suggestion I made that my ex ever listened to BTW)!
I learned early on to let my ex do the arguing for me. That's their son, so they will make up with him. You are a stranger in their eyes.
Make a deal with your hubby from the start that if you are unhappy with something, you tell him in private. Then tell him to pretend it was his idea and not yours.
For instance, my father in law would talk down to my children even when they were little. I let my husband know that I was not happy with the way his Dad was talking to them. I told him in a very stern way that if he didn't speak up and say something then I would, and it wouldn't be pretty.
My ex was a jerk, and would never do what I asked him to, except in this instance. He realized I was quite serious about how my children were being treated.
The next time his Dad was ugly to my child, my ex was all over him and told him never to talk to them again like that, and it really worked. If I had spoken to them that way, it would have caused a war, but it was okay when it came from their son.
I understand that you would like to be close to them, and it hurts you not to be.
My Mom died just months before my wedding. I wanted very much to have my mother in law become a surrogate Mom. No matter how nice I was, even after 13 years of marriage and two children, I was always a stranger in their eyes.
Some people are just jerks, and will never change.
Hopefuly this will not be the case for you, but don't count on it. Most of all don't let it hurt your feelings, or cause resentment between you and your husband.
You just be the better person, don't lose your temper, and handle yourself with class.
Most important of all is that you two always remain each other's priority. When the kids are grown and gone you still will have each other to live with.
It took a lot of years of unhappiness and pain for me to figure this out. I hope you find my advice useful.
Have a beautiful and blessed wedding, and a long and happy marriage.
Herredness