WETV.com - Shows - not liking preg girl mom

Re: not liking preg girl mom Oh dear. Have any of you read anything about adoption? Been to any conferences about adoption? Looked at any websites like Adoptioncrossroads.org? There are many many studies about the difficulties that adopted children, and later adopted adults face because they did not stay with their mothers. Start with 'The Primal Wound' by Nancy Verrier, then follow with 'Journey of the Adopted Self: A Quest for Wholeness' by Betty Jean Lifton. The adopted children will long for their lost mothers the rest of their lives. They will have nightmares about being lost in a crowd, or dream about when their mother will come again to find them. Adopted persons are 10 times more likely to seek counseling than non adopted persons, trying to untangle their feelings of loss and abandonment, even adopted people who were in seemingly 'ideal' situations. Does this sound like adoption is 'best for the child'?

No.

Only in the most dire circumstances is a loving adoption a good idea. It's not a matter of 'sitting in judgment', rather it is a desire that people would look around at the experiences of the vast numbers of adopted people and the mothers who lost children to adoption and learn from their pain. The 'solution' of adoption might seem to be the best idea for awhile, but eventually the mother will become more and more distressed that it was NOT the 'best' solution, she will grieve as profoundly as if their child had died. Yes, it would be difficult to parent a child when you are 15, but they will both grow older and be so happy they were together. It is also where 'the village' comes in. It certainly looks like that family had some resources.

I have been through the immense pain of losing a child to adoption. Everyone around me said adoption was 'the loving choice'. What kind of 'best solution' is it when the two prime people affected end up depressed and miserable? If you have any way at all to keep your child, THAT is the best for everyone. Thank goodness the trend in America seems to be that teens are keeping their babies. Our task now is to create opportunities for the young women so they can continue to pursue their dreams. Justine's little daughter will still wonder why her mother did not keep her. Because her grandmother decided she couldn't support her mother enough to keep them together? Oh boy, it will continue to be difficult for everyone. Good luck.

By on May 9, 2008 1:55 AM

Re: not liking preg girl mom AMEN! She needed her mom , more than ever. And the "mom" said she had to have a few glasses of wine, to be able to even deal with the situation.She also would talk the oldest girl down, in the interviews of them together.You're right, a cold mama she is.Thank God she had her sister. Native Lady

By on May 6, 2008 2:43 AM

Re: not liking preg girl mom I've read through all the threads about Justine and the baby. Do any of you know Justine? Do you know her mother? Do you know her family? You all sit in judgment of this young girl and her mother as if you are judge and jury. If you've ever sat on a jury, you would know that there are two sides to every story and things aren't always as they first appear. I am appalled at the spiteful and hurtful comments made about Justine's mother. Have you walked in her shoes? If either of my sons had come home and told me they had a child on the way, in the beginning I would have been just like Justine's mother - angry beyond belief, disappointed and probably much more verbal than she was. Justine's dad wasn't featured much in the interviews for the show but that doesn't mean that he didn't feel the same way as the mother about the pregnancy. People react differently to things. My husband would probably have reacted much like Justine's dad. Of course Justine initially would have liked to keep the baby, but she was ONLY 15. After getting over the shock of being pregnant, she knew adoption was the right choice regardless of whether she was given a say in the decision or not. She's a child who played adult games and got caught. The decision to place the baby for adoption wasn't an easy one for Justine and her family but it was the right decision for this particular family. They considered what was best for the baby - not for Justine, or her mother, or her father, or her siblings . . . but what was best for the baby. To those of you who got pregnant in your teens and kept your baby and did well, that's great. Congratulations. I'm sure the road hasn't been easy for many of you but you persevered. Unfortunately, you are in the minority. There are too many unwanted babies in our society. Abortion is a quick fix. Carrying the baby to term takes courage but giving that child to adoptive parents is an unbelievably selfless act - full of love. Was it easy for Justine and the family to part with that little girl? Of course not. Do you think her mother wanted to give up her first grandchild? Of course not. Don't judge the mother by the few clips that were put together for the show. The baby is part of a loving family. She is healthy and happy and adored. That's what matters. She will eventually know her birth family and she won't ever "wonder" why her mother gave her up. Give the birth family, especially Justine and her mother, a break. They have gone through enough and don't need your venom spewing out in the blogs.

By on March 28, 2008 5:37 PM

Re: not liking preg girl mom

Ashley,
It is obvious that you do not know Justine and her family because you're comments are completely inaccurate.

What you saw was edited for tv. You did not see the many discussions had and all the tears shed that Justine and her parents went through in making the decision to put the baby up for adoption.

Justine is a beautiful young girl with an amazing heart who made the most selfless decision any person could make. Her parents worship her and her siblings and do everything in their power to provide them the best opportunities / life that they can. They are a truly wonderful family and to say anything other than that is wrong.

As for Justine giving away her flesh and blood to some stranger.... I am that stranger you referred to. Thus, I am going to address that comment. My wife and I have constant communication with Justine (and her parents). Justine knows everything that is happening in the baby's life. She sees her smiles, she knows about her personality, her first steps, her first words, her first ear infection, etc. Saying that Justine does not know the baby emotionally shows the ignorance of your comments. Justine (and her family), through the precious little life Justine blessed my wife and I with, are part of our family and they will ALWAYS be a part of the baby's life.

You do not know Justine, her mother, or her family, so if you decide to post another comment, try and keep that in mind while you type.

By on March 28, 2008 3:16 PM

Re: not liking preg girl mom I am agreeing with you on this. If you remember, the mother in her interviews kept emphasizing "I" as in her; nothing dealing with her daughter and her feelings. The mother is just worried that she is too "young" to be a grandmother and what the town thinks about her young daughter having a baby. well geeze the whole town knew she was pregnant, so, why not let her keep the baby?? Now her daughter has to go to bed every night knowing her own flesh and blood is given away to some stranger that she just met through an adoption agency and not there in the bed with her. She is going to have to ponder now on what might of been not what is. Bless her heart. She went through the stress of being pregnant in high school and now she has to go through life knowing she bared a child through all the physical and psychological pain of her family with no love of a child to show for it.Now I am worried about Justine and her baby and what kind of psychological challenges they are to face in the future. But "Mommy" doesn't have to go through it so she doesn't care. Even if Justine doesn't show it, she will resent her parents for the choice they made for her. Although she doesn't know her daughter emotionally now, she will always have a piece of the baby in her heart.

Ashley, RT(R)

By on March 28, 2008 5:06 AM

Re: not liking preg girl mom Okay, here is the deal...are you stupid?!!! Why in the world would you people be such shit starters. Get a lawyer and get the baby back!??? Why in the world is that being responsible and/or helpful. I am absolutely dumbfounded by the sheer ignorance, selfishness, and complete lack of respect for the people you are talking about! GROW UP and mind your own business! Why would you think it is okay to try to destroy a family by telling her to get her baby back! Your words and your pathetic attempt to give give advice or state your opinion are unjustified and frankly unknowledgable! Before you speak, THINK! You should not believe that it is okay to voice such ridiculous nonsense. I am sure, yep, POSITIVE that each and every decision that was made by this family was made out of love for Justine and for her child....So to all of you who have no idea or do not know these people in the real world and not from a show that was edited and pieced together, SHUT UP!!!!

By on March 28, 2008 3:11 AM

Re: not liking preg girl mom Give the woman a break. Whoever said it farther down is right. This was obviously a ridiculously hard decision. The few minutes we saw on tv can't begin to scrape the surface as to what the family really went through. Unless you've been in their EXACT shoes, spiritually, financially, whatever, how can you judge?

By on March 27, 2008 6:44 PM

Re: not liking preg girl mom

Hi Amazing22. I want to personally thank you for your post. My wife and I are the ones who adopted Justine's baby. Justine and her family are an amazing, loving people and what is being written about them could not be anymore inaccurate.

Below in quotes is my reply to the thread from Yolanda4 - teen who gave up her baby and her mother. I think it is appropriate for this thread as well.

"For all those who have decided to "take shots" at Justine's mother and for the person who said said she can't believe Justine gave her baby away, I am hear to tell you that you should really think before you speak / write comments. Unless you personally know Justine's family you have no idea what transpired behind the scenes and how difficult the decision was for them.

Your speculations have lead to a lot of inaccurate statements / comments being posted - and those statements can become hurtful to Justine, her mother, and her family.

My wife and I know Justine, her mother and family very well - we adopted Justine's baby. They are a truly amazing family and unless you have personally placed a baby up for adoption, you have no idea what they went through in making that decision. Because of editing you did not see everything that went into their decision - and yes, I said their decision. Justine's mother is a wonderful person who is devoted to her family. Justine is by far the most amazing young girl my wife and I have ever met. The decision they made as a family was a truly selfless act and one they felt was in the best interest of the baby. If that makes Justine, her mother, or anyone else in their family awful, then I hope more people become awful.

To say anything negative about Justine, her mother or her family is completely unjustified and unwarranted."

By on March 27, 2008 5:31 PM

Re: not liking preg girl mom ignorance is not an excuse to attack someone you know nothing about. I Personally know Justine's family and know how hard the decision was. I also know the family the baby went to and she is doing great. Did you ever think about what a blessing the adoption was for that family?

By on March 27, 2008 2:25 AM

Re: not liking preg girl mom I completely agree with your reaction to her mother's comments. I don't agree with them making her give up her child and her reason is ridiculous. It shouldn't matter if the child doesn't grow up in a "typical" family; what should matter is that the child grows up in a loving home, which I think Justine could have provided for her if she had the opportunity. I know I would live my entire life regretting that decision and I would definitely blame my parents for making that decision for me. Obviously, if I can make the decision to have sex, I can make the decision to take of my responsibility to take care of my child. Justine's parents need to get out of the stone age!!

By on March 25, 2008 2:13 AM

Re: not liking preg girl mom I didn't see the show but i would say from what i heard the Mom was a Bitch.......Me i had my baby at age 16 now he is 26 almost ......i was put in a mother /child home but only for 3 months .I would not give a baby up for adoption hell no ...what? Think about it for the rest of my life where it is what it's doing???? Nope ! If i had to choose between abortion/adoption i would choose abortion .Not that it's right but at least i know there is no kid of mine out there!Abortion is not cool but if it's the last thing u can do u gotta do what's best for u.

By on March 24, 2008 10:59 AM

Re: not liking preg girl mom I am sorry but I have to strongly disagree that if a teenager gets pregnant its the parents' fault. Parents are supposed to instill certain values, morals and the like in their children but you can't be there 24/7. Now while I didn't get pregnant in high school, I will admit there were things that my parents drilled into my head that I was just hellbent on doing otherwise. I was not an extremely rebellious child but I had friends who parents taught them the exact same things my parents taught me who were. Some of them ended up in jail, pregnant, dead or in some other negative state. I also had friends who's parents didn't have the moral compass of a fish who have gone on to marriage, avoided pre-marital sex, gone on to higher education, and other positive things.

I didn't finish watching the episode so I am not sure what her mom's reaction is but it's VERY easy for people to say what someone's reaction should be... until it's your kid. When that girl made the decision to lay down, she knew her parents' point of view on the subject. If she wanted to keep the baby she always had the option to move out and raise the baby on her own. That may sound harsh but I think part of the problem with children and young adults now is that we've stopped making them take responsibility as a society. As for her father taking her to get a pregnancy test... I am not sure how fair it is to say that he should have known to get her on BC beforehand. There's obivously some communication issues with this family, but they aren't so incredibly different from other families. That girl has the ability to speak and could have asked for birth control. In most states she can obtain this without parental consent. As you said, in the heat of the moment you HOPE your son will think about protection. If he doesn't it's not your fault. It's his and he has to leave with the consequences.

By on March 24, 2008 2:02 AM

Re: not liking preg girl mom
I totaly agree with all you said and more. I myself was a 15 year old who got pregnant. I did not have the support of my family, they wanted me to abort, the boyfriend left and I was kicked out of the house for choosing to keep the baby. My baby is now 15! I am not going to say it wasn't hard but I will say it was worth it. I got my high school diploma went to collage and got married to wonderful man who has since adopted my daughter. How dare this mother make the decision for her daughter it is her daughter not her who now has to live with the what happened for the rest of her life. I only hope they seek some type of counseling for her to help with the obvious depression she was showing.

By on March 20, 2008 5:59 PM

Re: not liking preg girl mom I totally agree with you as well. What get's me is how they mentioned their faith and being Catholic and all. What I want to know is how a "good Catholic" could let a member of their family be raised by someone else. I guess family is not THAT important to them. I myself am Catholic. I may not be a great Catholic, but if I had to do my teenage pregnancy over agian, I wouldn't change a thing. I was 18 when I had my son. He just recently turned 19 and I couldn't be more proud of him. He had a big part in my becoming the person I am today. That girls mother is foolish and selfish and I have a few more choice words about her (I am sure you all know what they are...lol).

By on March 20, 2008 4:10 AM

Re: not liking preg girl mom ok I had my kid when i was young i graduated h.s. and went to college my son still is with me and i am a single mother i cant wait until that baby grows up and finds her grandmother and asks her gma why she forced her mother to give her up .. it should have been the daughters decision.. i think it was wrong.. I dont know how she lives with herself

By on March 20, 2008 3:57 AM

Re: not liking preg girl mom I totally agree with you. I don't know what the laws are concerning adoption in that state. I'm not even sure if the window of opportunity is still open for Justine to get her daughter back, but I'd be glad to help her with a fundraiser to earn the money for legal fees---or rather to buy the baby back, because that's what it really is. also, she, obviously, made the decision under coercive circumstances, which should be considered in a court of law.
Make no mistake!!! Adoption is a business--just like buying or selling a car. Even with the so-called best agencies, the baby ultimately goes to the highest bidder---no matter what the real mom wants!!! Adoption of newborns is a highly lucrative business. Do you really think that lawyers and agencies would bother themselves with this if there weren't tons of money to be made? Think about it.

By on March 20, 2008 1:39 AM

Re: not liking preg girl mom Justine's mom was so cold hearted, how could she make Justine give up that baby, her Granddaugher, her own flesh and blood and where was the boyfriend and his parents? Everyone could see that Justine didnt want to give her baby up. what a family make a mistake get rid of it and everything will be ok. selfesh woman, for your punishment I really hope you never see any of your future Grandchildren . Being a parent is one thing but theres nothing better than being a GrandParent!

By on March 19, 2008 7:49 AM

Re: not liking preg girl mom
last night i cried 4 the girl cuz she had no say the mother sead if she was a little bit older she would have a say in it i no she was only 15 but what if it was the older girl and she was 15 they would have gave her a say the reason i say that iz because i took it as if they really liked her better even thoe they didn't wont to say it cuz the mother sead that she didn't like the older one better but when she sead that it took her a little too long to say it and when the older one got drunk they didn't say a thing to her they just over looked it she could have got herself killed or became an addicted to it. it aint like the young one was doing something that could kill her ppl have sex every day and it don't kill them i could say more about that mother but i dont have a week so that iz all im going to say 4 now

By on March 18, 2008 10:27 PM

Re: not liking preg girl mom I was also taken off-guard with the comment the mom made, but even though the comment was upsetting, I would do the same thing. The girl was 15....AND she got to choose the parents.

It would be much harder if she didn't know who the baby was going to.

I was a pregnant teen, and have my son from that pregnancy with me.

If he were to get a girl pregnant, I would make him break it off with her, but yet still support her financially. No way around it.

If you act stupid, you're going to have to pay the consequences.

No way I'm going to let him ruin his bright future.

She did the right thing.

By on March 18, 2008 3:24 PM

Re: not liking preg girl mom i think that is so true. i have four kids now and am 24 years old. but we are all happy. we have a good family with a mother and a father. but they never saw anything else but what their image was going to be about. i would understand if they lived in a shack and didnt have good jobs but this is your damm grandchild talk about selfish and uptight i really hope that mother is reading all this comments and comes to her senses of how bad of mother she really is. and i hope the teen opens her eyes and sees that she just made a huge mistake.

By on March 18, 2008 2:22 PM

Re: not liking preg girl mom mom seems to be a little controlling. the girls obviously knew how she would react since they told their father first. he seems to be the calm one and didn't over react. i know justine was only 15 but that didn't give the mother the right to make that kind of decision for her.

By on March 18, 2008 1:31 PM

Re: not liking preg girl mom As a mother of a teenage son who just started High School I can relate to the show I thought it was interesting and insightful. I had a huge problem with the mother whose daughter turned up pregnant in last night's episode. She spoke of how upset and angry she was with her daughter for getting pregnant and how the daughter put the family in the position to have to put the baby up for adoption. The mother as well as the father played a tremendous part for the daughter turning up pregnant. The same Father who took his daughter to planned parenthood to see if she was pregnant should have taken her there BEFORE the pregnancy and got the daughter on some type of birth control. The mother never said one time on her interviews that she talked to the daughter about pre-marital sex and birth control methods. The parents are truly to blame for the unwanted pregnancy not the teenager. I definitely think the daughter who gave the baby up for adoption in years to come will have deep regrets because the decision was her mothers and not hers. Parents today are just really stupid to think "their" teenagers are not going to have sex. Or better yet their teenagers will let the parents know that they are sexually active and I need some birth control. It our job as parents to equip our children with the right information and birth control methods to prevent unwanted pregnancies. My son is 14 he is still a Virgin but I know he is getting very curious about the opposite sex. As his Mom (and trust me he does not want to talk about sex with me but I don't care I do what is going to protect him) I am going to make an appointment with the teen clinic for him and ensure he understands he must use some type of protection every time he is sexually active which I am sure will be sooner than later. Oh yeah I have talked to him about staying a virgin and saving himself for someone special but HORMONES do rage. And in the heat of the moment I hope my son will remember....protection, protection, protection.

By on March 18, 2008 1:14 PM

Re: not liking preg girl mom

It is obvious that the girl did not want to give up her baby. Her Mom just didn't want to be a grandma yet, selfish indeed. It is also obvious that the decision will have serious implications for that family as the years go by. I hope the family is in therapy. I would urge Justine to get her baby back. I'm not an expert but I don't think adoptions are final until after the first year. She will be fine-her family is strong (and who cares what mom thinks,l since she didn't give a crap about her grieving daughter). Get a lawyer and get your daughter.

By on March 18, 2008 7:04 AM

Re: not liking preg girl mom I cant believe she said that either. I know i was a wild teen and luckily nothing happen to me, thank God, and now i am married and i have a child and i seen the pain that the pregnant girl had in her face because i know she wanted to keep that baby and they made her give her away. I think in some situations adoptions is for the better but that family could have stuck together and raise that baby and the young girl could have finished school and went on to college. I am a young mother i did it,I'm still doing it, and i think by her giving the baby up kind of showed others that theres not really a consequence for their actions. Well i got pregnant but its ok i can have an abortion or give it up. That why teens are the way they are, they don't have any boundaries and they don't have any consequences that are enforced. I'm a psychology major and parental involvement is the key. i wish all parents would care like i do!! i mean i cried over that girl and i don't even know her but i felt her pain and thats why i have a passion for psychology and working with teen mothers.

By on March 18, 2008 6:51 AM

Re: not liking preg girl mom Ok so I was the pregnant girl in high school and I had my son and he is now 10 years old and still with me. He has a stable family and I have worked damn hard to take care of him while going to college. Watching this episode I thought how dare these people sit there and tell this girl that she cannot keep her baby. What gives them the right to tell her what she can do. Legally they could not force her to give up that child but we also only saw edited footage. It really made me angry too that she was far more worried about what people would think about their family then really looking at the underlying issues where one of her daughters gets busted for drinking at school and the other gets pregnant several months later. Hellllooo am I the only seeing a pattern here? Having a child at a young age does not ruin your life. It makes things a little more diffacult but you dont lose out if anything you gain so much. I was forced to grow up a bit younger than Im sure my family wanted but I did none the less. I made the decision to have sex and I made the decision to take care of my son. I had a daughter just shy of two years after him and both of them are happy well adjusted children who are well taken care of. My family is a big part of our lives but there was no "grandma raising" in my house.
Now Im not advocating teenage girls to go out and get pregnant before they have followed their dreams and gone to college but what I am saying is that it isnt the end of the world if you do get pregnant. Its not the ideal but its not a tragedy either.
I cant believe that lady got me that riled up lol. Any thoughts?

Message was edited by: ms.pickles

By on March 18, 2008 5:44 AM

Re: not liking preg girl mom when i watched it i thought i was the only one who thought that. I mean they should of atleast let the girl choose for herself. Thats something that she has to live with now for the rest of her life. I wish the episode was about the girl because i wanted to know moree =]

By on March 18, 2008 3:25 AM

Re: not liking preg girl mom
I am so glad that I am not the only one who thought the mom was a bitch. Really selfish is the word. I was a teenager who had a child and choose adoption but the choice was my choice not my parents. One day this mom may regret not letting her daughter choose for herself. Being a mom herself you would think she would be more understanding. How would she feel if someone said hey i'm taking your child away and you have no say or no rights as a parent. It just may comeback and haunt her one day for not letting her daughter make her own choice.

By on March 18, 2008 3:20 AM

Re: not liking preg girl mom I so agree with you. What a bitter women is what came to my mind. She seemed to be more worried about how it made her look. How dare she make a decision like that for her daughter. I don't care how old she is. I went to school with a girl who had a baby at the same age. I now teach this young man and he is one outstanding kid. The mom and daughter will have problems in the future. That is not a decision for a mother to make for her daughter.

By on March 18, 2008 3:15 AM