This weekend I’m doing stand-up, going to a wedding, and trying to find a new boyfriend for Melissa. Actually, that’s not a weekend; it’s my perfect storm of happiness! Well, maybe not perfect…the economy is still bad, cheesecake is still fattening, and Ryan Gosling still hasn’t returned my calls…but it’s pretty good. When my assistant Sabrina and her husband decided to renew their vows I thought, why not do it in Las Vegas where I’m headlining? We can throw Sabrina a bachelorette party…check out single guys…have everybody come see my show…set Melissa up with somebody…have dinner…maybe see Melissa fall in love again…all the usual Vegas stuff! Melissa just can’t know that I’m setting her up, so I have to be discreet. I know– I’ll have Lynne help me! Because let’s face it, if there’s one thing Lynne’s good at its rounding up guys. Lynne just has to understand that these guys are for Melissa, not her, so they can’t have prison records, back hair, or tattoos. Seriously, I just want my baby to find love again, so if Mr. Right comes along and Melissa really likes him, I guess I could overlook just one small tattoo.
Joan Rivers on Episode 10: What Happened in Vegas?
Tuesday, March 27, 2012