Until this week I didn’t believe in miracles. But that was before we found out that Conrad is Jewish…and that I can cook! You heard me right: I actually prepared food (on something called a stove, I think) that people ate without dying. Weird, huh? It’s like finding out Richard Simmons got a woman pregnant. The other miracle was finding out that Conrad, who is so Arayan looking I sign Poland over to him every time I see him, is Jewish. I’m so excited I’m throwing him a party for his Bar Mitzvah. I just hope he’s circumcised, and that I’m not the one who has to check. And speaking of wood that needs trimming, if our neighbor Peter doesn’t cut back his trees so we can see the ocean before the party I’m going to sue his ass.

But right now I’m worried about Melissa. It’s obvious that something’s not right between her and Jason, and I hope it’s something they can work out. And if it’s not – Melissa knows I’m always here for her.