They’re your shopping buddies, your partners-in-crime, and among the first people you call to share news. They’re the people you turn to when you need comfort, advice, a good laugh, or just a wild night out. But as much as you love your girlfriends, let’s be honest: there are times when they may drive you freakin’ crazy. You know how boys will be boys? Well, girls will be girls, and even grown women can be catty, judgmental, dramatic, and sometimes inconsiderate. Still, at the end of the day, you don’t know what you’d do without them! A couple of experts help us sort out this complicated dynamic.

Friendship should be consistent, mutual, shared and positive: No friend is perfect, but for the most part, she should add something to your life, not suck the energy out of it. “A true friend is reliable, she gives back, shares with you, and is a positive force,” explains Paul Dobransky, MD, CEO of Women's Happiness and author of the forthcoming book, The Power of Female Friendship. “If a friendship doesn’t have most of those components to it, then you should examine whether it’s a friendship worth having.”

Every friendship is different: It’s important to accept that “not every friend can be everything you need her to be,” says Jan Yager, PhD, sociologist, friendship coach, and author of When Friendship Hurts . “Different friends will bring different things to your life—you have to let each one be the kind of friend that she’s going to be, without imposing unrealistic expectations on her.” Maybe you have a gal pal who isn’t so good about calling but she’s always there for you when you really need her to be. You don’t want to feel constantly let down by your girlfriends, so focus on their strengths, rather than harping on what’s lacking.

Women can be so nosy: Yes, females need to know what’s going on with their friends; blame your biology! “Women in hunting/gathering societies had to know where the other women and children of the tribe were at all times, in order to make sure everyone was safe,” says Dobransky. “As a result, females have an instinctive evolutionary need to be socially connected, and know the ins-and-outs of their friends’ lives.”

Gossip binds us together but sometimes goes too far: In order to fit in with a group and maintain their place in the social hierarchy, females will talk about each other, with each other. “Gossip binds women together, solidifying the fact that they’re all in this tight group, with access to, and knowledge of, the same people,” explains Dobransky.

Most of the time, friends chat about fairly benign issues, but when conversation turns catty, watch out. “A catty friend is most likely someone who is insecure about her standing in the group,” Dobransky adds. “Therefore, she says mean things because she’s desperately trying to cling on, and claw her way up the social chain.”

You don’t owe a friend constant support: Of course you may feel like you have to be there for a friend through thick and thin. But if a pal constantly has drama in her life, you’ll need to learn some boundaries. “Some people have a martyr, woe-is-me attitude, and they basically guilt their friends into always rushing to their aid,” says Dobransky. “Unless you learn how to say ‘no’ sometimes, though, you’ll find the friend is more of a strain on you than anything else.”

Hey, things change: Over time, a lot of different women will come in and out of your life—some friendships will stand the test of time, others may fall by the wayside. Just because you may be at different life stages, though, doesn’t mean you should lose the friendship forever. “It’s important to accept that even if you were extremely close with someone at one point, circumstances change and you may not be as close as you once were,” says Yager. “Rather than feel hurt and anger about it, accept the fluidity and changing nature of the relationship, try to hold on to the positive feelings you have about her, and fit that friendship into your life in a new way.”