Just like many of us, Melissa Rivers hasn’t had the best luck in relationships (good riddance, Jason!). But no one should let kissing a few frogs get in the way of finding Mr. Right, says Dr. Gilda Carle, a renowned relationship expert and “30 Second Therapist” for The Today Show’s website.
“Attracting the best person for you has a lot to do with your own attitude about love. If you are consistently having bad luck with relationships, you need to make changes to yourself to make sure that doesn’t happen anymore.”
To get you on the road to romance, follow these tips:
Ditch negativity. Simply put, what you put out into the world, you get back—especially when it comes to love. “If you think negatively, then that is what you’re going to attract,” says Dr. Carle. “If you are expecting to meet the wrong type of man, then that’s what will likely happen. The New Year is the perfect time to have a fresh and positive attitude about relationships.”
Be honest. Many times women point fingers at the men who have wronged them. Instead, think about the role you played in allowing this person into your life. “You need to take a responsibility and try to figure out why you’re constantly attracting the wrong type of guy,” says Dr. Carle. Are you still hung up on your ex? Do you worry about repeating the same mistakes as your parents? Ask friends and family what they think (as long as you can handle hearing the truth from them) or seek help from a therapist who can help you get to the bottom of your core issues.
Break your own rules: Let go of your rule when it comes to who you wouldn’t date, says Susan Trombetti, a matchmaker and relationship expert. “Whether it is ‘no girls with tattoos’ or ‘no short guys please’ because you prefer only tall, dark and handsome, it’s time to date someone and break the mold. Look for love outside your ‘Love Box.’ Maybe if you get over the hair color, tattoos, height, income and all this stuff that is meaningless, you may find what you have been searching for all along.”
Take off the mask. In the beginning, everyone is on best behavior, but honesty is the best policy from day one, says Dr. Carle. One of her clients had trouble finding a man who wasn’t intimidated by her high-power career, so she posted all of her accomplishments on her dating profile so any guy looking at it knew exactly what to expect: a strong and successful woman. That honesty paid off when she met her Mr. Right—and she didn’t have to hide who she was to get there.
Don’t play the game. “The moment you have to play at anything, it’s all over,” says Dr. Carle. So throw out any rule book and go with your instinct. If calls at the last minute and wants to see you, go if you don’t have any other plans and would like to see him, too. The bottom line is to do what you want, not what you think, you should do.
Pay attention to red flags. No matter what you might think, he’s not going to change, so don’t even try it. So if there’s a true deal breaker involved, simply move one. But remember, there’s no such thing as perfect and that’s fine. “Be observant and smart—not picky,” says Dr. Carle.