Season 1, Episode 4
It's high tea with Perez Hilton! When Joan reveals a little too much to the online gossip columnist, Melissa is not pleased with her mom's loose lips. Plus, Joan and Melissa's constant bickering gets to be too much, and they decide to bring in some professional help. Will their relationship ever be the same?
During Joan and Melissa’s appearance on Peter Tilden’s radio show, Joan complains on-air that she just recently found out that Melissa’s younger boyfriend, Jason, is living in the house with Melissa and Cooper. Melissa is not pleased that Joan is discussing very personal matters on live radio. Soon the bickering between Joan and Melissa dominates the airwaves.
Sabrina delivers exciting news to Joan and Melissa: Online gossip columnist, Perez Hilton, wants to meet with Joan and Melissa. Joan already has a great idea on how to impress Perez: a proper English high tea.
While enjoying his tea, Perez wastes no time prodding for a scoop, and asks which celebrities live near Melissa. Melissa refuses to answer the question, but Joan is only too happy to out Hilary Swank as a neighbor. Melissa is once again not pleased by Joan’s loose lips. Later, Joan tells Perez that Melissa was asked to do nude modeling. Joan then gives Perez a peek at some of the photos she took of Melissa in the shower. Perez leaves, and Melissa storms off – she is not happy with Joan at all.
Melissa gathers the entire household to the family room for an announcement: a team-builder is coming to help build a better household with more unity and less bickering. Team-builder Eli Davidson enters the house ready to start the healing process. Melissa confesses that Joan’s comments cut deep enough to hurt. Things go from bad to worse as emotions rise, and Melissa tearfully confesses to Joan that she can’t go a day without feeling "like a failure" because of Joan’s always-critical eye. Joan defends herself saying, "Everything I say, Melissa, you take as negative." Joan argues that if she can’t do anything that pleases Melissa, she might as well "get the f*ck out of here." The teambuilding session is mercifully over, but the damage has been done. Melissa retreats upstairs and Joan goes to her room, while the rest of the household tries to figure out have things deteriorated so quickly. An upset Joan tries to find some sort of comfort by talking to her friend, Margie. She tells Margie all about the ugly blowup she and Melissa had during teambuilding. Will Melissa and Joan’s relationship ever be the same?