I’m Kym and I’m 30 years old from Orlando, FL. The best thing about the wedding is that it is over! Stress like that should not even be possible! I was told after it ended by everyone that came that it was the best wedding they had ever been to, which really is what everyone always goes for, but it took a lot of work from me to get it there. Too bad I don’t remember much of the wedding! Advice to anyone getting married: DON’T FORGET TO EAT, especially when there is open bar! I apparently drank too much and it was real noticeable at the end… especially considering I got knocked up that night! Nope I wasn’t trying! Kym the kid hater is going to be a mom! That freaks me out just saying it.
Our budget was small and we didn’t go over $15,000, which is cheap as far as weddings go. Too bad my parents think I owe them. My family is nuts! I think most people do not have to deal with the same things I do. Who has a DADZILLA anyways?? It’s been like that my whole life… always Dad in my face! He was there every step of the way and I do admit, he helped a lot, but don’t tell him that. The last minute issues would not have been pulled off without him, I was way too stressed to be sane. AND THAT LIMO COMPANY???? They should all burn in hell! That was the worst part of my wedding. He made us late, got lost, went the wrong way, and passed the church. I really thought my dad was going to have a heart attack that day! AHHHHH!
All in all, the wedding came out fine; in fact none of the guests even noticed a flaw (besides all the cameras around). I loved having the crew filming me; it made me feel like my day was important to more than just me!!!
I am glad to be moving on and starting my life with High. I really do love him and it looks like we will be starting a family in November!! I couldn’t be more scared… maybe they want to bring the cameras over to see Kym freaking out the last week of her pregnancy! Look for her on the first episode of BABYZILLA!!
Where to begin with this one-there is just too much to cover, so we’ll start at the top: Meet Porsha and Byron (no that’s not Michael Jordan…yeah we were thinking it too). He details cars, she wanted to date him because she needed a sugar daddy; hm, exactly how much do car detailers make? Oh well.
The lovely Porsha is a delight to behold, spending her free time physically assaulting her friends when she doesn’t get her way and sucking her thumb when she is stressed, so sweet Our first venture with Porsha is to the bridal salon where she is literally tied into her dress, then when her bridesmaid dares to comment on the bride’s shoe choice, she is told “Your face is hideous”…what a gem. But it doesn’t end there, adding insult to injury, Porsha leaves her sister and mother at the store because her dress is more important than they are, and she no longer has room for them in her car…wow.
Next, Kym and HIGH are back! Kym is getting all geared up for her super-classy bachelorette party by dressing in what her mom refers to as “hooker clothes” that show off her “hoo-hahs”…we’re thinking that’s not a compliment. The ladies head out for a night of taking shots off one another’s chests, lifting their skirts for all the world to see and asking men to sleep with them, don’t you wish you were invited?
Back to the delicate Porsha, who has taken her bridesmaids to a buffet to tell them how fat she thinks they are, as she proceeds to list off calorie counts of food for them- and they should listen, because clearly Porsha knows a lot about what to eat in order to stay fit, right? After berating them individually, she then literally chokes her sister for not playing by her rules and then storms out.
Believe it or not, these bridesmaids still meet this bridezilla the next day, when she takes them to exercise and promises them grapefruit if they make it all the way up the hill she wants them to climb. Unfortunately instead of heading back down afterward, they walk to another buffet, much to Porsha’s dismay; a battle royale ensues when she beats them up, throws fruit at them and uses them as a buffer with the ground until they’ve learned their lesson. Silly girls.
Well, at least it’s finally Kym’s special day-and we’re sure things are going better here. Or not. The limo is late, the unity candle has gone missing and Kym cannot find her deodorant (which would not be SUCH a big deal, except that she didn’t take a shower that day. Ew.) Finally the limo arrives, to Kym’s welcome, “Where the BLEEP have you been?? You’re ruining my BLEEPING wedding day, you fat BLEEP!” How charming! Off to the celebration we go!
Kym and High recite their vows and then proceed to their reception, where Kym drinks and smokes like a sailor, which would be excusable, until she announces two weeks later that she is pregnant…and what a mommy she will be!
Make sure you are here next week when Porsha and Byron take the plunge and we get a sneak peek into this bride’s bachelorette party…held in someone’s abandoned attic. It will be classy, we promise. Really.
After last week, we really thought things could not get any stranger…we were wrong. At the top of the show we meet Kym and High (and wonder if there is a reason he has that name…). The happy couple met at a pool hall, when they were both drunk-isn’t that nice?
This bride’s first order of business is to get her future hubby’s hair trimmed; he reluctantly agrees, only to be told by his fiance that she actually preferred the long look after all because now he’s “lost his power”…we don’t want to know what that means. Afterward, it’s time for Kym to get her bridal makeover! A fun day is had by all when she chooses gray makeup for her wedding party and asks the makeup artist to make her look like a hooker. Yes, a hooker. What do you mean, you don’t understand? What bride would NOT want to look like a hooker on her big day?
Now we get to see Gabby again! We missed her, didn’t you? She is off to her bachelorette party and that means…oh yes, you guessed it- PANTHER. Quite possibly the world’s strongest stripper, we get an insider look at his special moves, “The Inverted Flaming Cobra”, “The Thunder Squat” and “The Snack Attack”. If you admit to being frightened, you are not the only one…BUT if you were as intrigued as we were, here is a sneak peek at what was TOO hot for TV:
We doubt Gabby remembers much from this shindig given her inebriated state, but we’re hoping that Panther manages to forget whatever went on when Gabby locked him in the bathroom with her…oh boy.
Back to Kym, who is picking out her wedding cake (and screaming at her friend’s little daughter at the same time…she will be a great mom ) After running through various flavors before finally choosing one, she reveals that her cake will be styrofoam-because it’s cheaper. Well that was worth all the aggravation…she then tries to save more money on her linens by refusing to pay the vendor with cash, Daddy to the rescue.
Now it’s Gabby’s rehearsal day and the bride could not be more glowing as she berates her bridesmaid for having a sub-par hairstyle, the exact quote is “I’mma punch her in he throat”…that’s just about right.
And Gabby’s not the only one in a hairy situation-looks like Kym hasn’t washed her hair for a WEEK and now her MOH gets to comb out her matted locks…seriously? Well, at least it looks nice for her family dinner where she fake cries to get her dad to pay for the ceremony…wait, isn’t she supposed to be paying for the wedding herself?
Finally it’s Gabby’s day! Hooray! Let’s see, her photographer doesn’t show up, her bouquets are missing Gardenias and her bridesmaids are dropping like flies, can anyone say karma? BUT at the end of the day (even though she shows up two hours late for her ceremony), it seems she and Matthew have the wedding of someone’s dreams, and we’re sure that the guests who DID wait around had fun too.
Next week we meet Porsha, who enjoys sucking her thumb and physically assaulting her bridal party- can’t wait!