After shifting my career from the cut-throat “World of Fashion” to the French Quarter Wedding Chapel, I wasn’t expecting people to go for my jugular anymore… but then Queen M of the vampires and Sheriff Steve showed up ready to tie the knot, and this time the threat felt LITERAL. Of course, using the term “people” would be stretching it a bit with this couple, as far as I’m concerned.

The Voodoo ceremony preceding their vows was amazing. I was even happy to have Maria there; she may be cold-blooded but for alternative bait she works just fine. In the end I got some beautiful pictures while covering up my neck just in case anybody got any ideas. After surviving this I’m thinking that things might not be so bad, but of course all hell breaks loose on the actual wedding day (or night, as it were in this case).

Maria was nowhere to be found, so I had to help Queen M get ready. This put me right within fangs reach of her, not to mention the scariest and weirdest bridal party I’ve ever seen. The maid of honor, Sue, is a vampire, and got hissy when Queen M started talking about giving the honors to witch-slave (WTH?!?!) Camille. There was also a girl who they called “Companion” and I have no clue what her role was apart from being quiet and cowering. I was happy to escape the room and leave them to their prep and drama.
Then things went from bad to worse: it seemed like EVERYBODY in the damned wedding had fangs. I felt like my translucent skin was a throbbing road map to the buffet for these bloodsuckers. I had worn my cross as protection but Queen M snidely remarked it as being “a cute touch”, and it became clear that my knowledge of vampire deterring needed some updating.

In the end I found out that the term “Companion” refers pretty much to the vampire equivalent of a lunch-box, and I couldn’t get out of the mansion soon enough. I wish Queen M and Sheriff Steve the eternal happiness they deserve, but hope I never have to cross paths with them again.

After the loss of our photographer, Barbara, Lou Ann and Tony decided it was time for a replacement. Their only mistake – not consulting me before the big hire, which, led to Mia Goff. Lou Ann thought it would be a great idea for us to meet Miss Mia at a bar before we started working together (a day late and a dollar short Lou Lou). When Mia walked into the bar I just remember being blinded by this shocking white light. When my eyes finally adjusted, I realized it was the dye job on her hair. The wardrobe that followed the hair was not much better.

My instincts could tell that this was not going to work out. But knowing Lou Ann as well as I do, I know that once she makes up her mind, there is no going back. So, against my better judgment, I decide to give Mia a chance and I started asking her some honest questions about her experience as a photographer. She became a little defensive; apparently, she’s allergic to hard questions. What I gathered is that she wouldn’t be able to tell those big led balloons she has wrapped around her neck from a camera lens. Oh well, no use in crying over spilled peroxide, I have weddings to plan!