A wise person once said that Joan Rivers acts inappropriately for a living. OK, so it was me who said that. But I don’t think even Joan Rivers would deny that being brutally honest about sexuality, sometimes to the point of being outrageous, has played a major role in her incredibly successful career. The problem is, not everybody gets the joke. Which is why one of my Mom’s employees is suing her for—are you sitting down?—sexual harassment. At first Mom thought the whole thing was just a big joke. Then she found out that when it comes to sexual harassment she’s legally liable not only for her own behavior, but for the behavior of all of her employees. That wiped the smile off Mom’s face faster than a truckload of Botox. Now, my Mom doesn’t have to talk about sex to be funny, but I’m not so sure that’s also the case with Tony. And when Tony opens for my Mom next week he’d better be squeaky clean on stage or else there’s going to be hell to pay– and my Mom’s going to be the one writing those big checks.

Things haven’t been the same around here since sexual harassment reared its ugly head. (Perhaps “head” is a poor choice of words…) It all started when one of my employees accused me of sexual harassment, which is ridiculous. She’s not even my type. Everybody knows I like my women the way I like my petroleum: light, sweet, and crude. OK…just kidding! But because of this we all had to take a sexual harassment awareness course where I learned I can be sued if one of my employees harasses someone! Tony-who’s opening for me this week-is an example. (And when I say “opening”…see how quickly it happens?) If Tony does anything overtly sexual as my opening act—like, for example, his act– I could be in big trouble. Meanwhile, our newfound awareness of sexual harassment has made us all so uptight we’re afraid to even hug each other or make friendly, innocent comments like, “Nice caboose, sex machine. How much?” Here’s the point: I know sexual harassment is a very serious issue, but how much more aware of it can I be before I stop being Joan Rivers?