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Candace on Episode 8: Moving On

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Thursday, January 19, 2012

Candace on Episode 8: Moving On

After the wine tour fiasco, the only thing I can hope is that we can all move forward and try to start fresh.

I was pleased when Stephanie asked me to meet her for lunch.  She gave me the impression that she wanted to talk about her in-laws and the troubles in her marriage.  I am happy to lend an ear and hopefully provide some advice.

I soon realized that the purpose for this lunch was extremely different than what I had been led to believe.

I was shocked when Stephanie rattled off everything she does not like about me.  She was just down right mean, blunt and abrasive.  Stephanie attacked my character, as well as making claims that she thinks my friendship with Tonia is a fraud.  I told her that Tonia and I are close and Tonia and I know what we have.  Stephanie continued on with her jabs and mean words.  The only thing I knew to do at this point was say “I am sorry you feel that way.”  It was clear to me that she was in a state of mind where she was not thinking clearly and thus unable to have a productive conversation with me.  I was not going to yell back or lose my cool because that is not how I operate.  After all, why waste my breath with someone who I feel clearly has a hidden agenda to hurt me and bring me down?  I decided to sit there and let her continue with her banter while she rattled off everything she wanted to get out.  I could see where this was going, so I just shook my head and said, “That’s fine, we don’t have to be friends.”  I am not going to let her get the best of me, so instead I took the higher road, remained calm and controlled my response.  It was a moment where I knew, despite anything I might say, that Stephanie was not in a place where she would have heard anything I had to say, allowing her to objectively process it.

As the day of Tonia’s girls’ birthday party arrived, I was filled with emotion.  I tried to be strong for my friend, but I also felt sad about seeing Rob again and knowing what a good thing he and Tonia had at one time.  During the birthday party, Steve and I were happy to see Rob and to talk to him.  I noticed that Rob and Tonia seemed to be getting along and everything was running smoothly.  Later, while watching Tonia and Rob interact together with the girls I became emotional and left the room so Tonia did not see that I was upset.  It is so difficult when friends decide to end their marriage.

Later after the party, I went over to Tonia’s for dinner and to discuss her feelings about seeing Rob again.  Tonia shared with me that she sent Rob a letter and he never responded to her.  I felt her pain, as she shared this news with me.  I advised her to try and move on as best as she can, knowing she has done everything in her power to make amends with Rob.  Tonia agreed and felt thankful to finally have closure on the topic.  I only wish I could find a way to make Tonia feel happy but I realize that it will just take time.

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