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Control the Bride(zilla), Maintain Your Sanity

Here are 5 ways to survive your worst nightmare.

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Monday, June 20, 2011

Control the Bride(zilla), Maintain Your Sanity

Being chosen by a dear family member or friend to be a bridesmaid is a great honor.  You get to be a part of the wedding planning as well as the fun festivities that go along with it.  However, the laughter stops when the usually calm, cool and collected bride makes absurd demands of her bridal party. She morphs from blushing bride-to-be to every bridesmaid’s worst nightmare; enter the bridezilla.  You know it’s HER wedding but this out of control bride has taken over YOUR life.  You need to have a “bride-vention.” Here are the top 5 ways to dealing with a bridezilla.

ONE FREE PASS: It is common for any bride to feel the stress of the impending nuptials. Perhaps she snips at you during her cake tasting, or maybe she has a meltdown at her dress fitting.   For your bride, give her a break one time, and one time only.  If she keeps up the diva-like antics you have every right to directly call her out.

GOSSIP GIRLS: Sharing your frustration with the other bridesmaids maybe cathartic. But keep in mind anything you say will be held against you in the court of (bride) law.  You should take your complaints to the source first before talking smack. “Approach the bride separately, in a quiet moment, and as early as possible into the cycle of planning and events,” said Jodi Wing author of The Art of Social War.  “If you choose to include the other bridesmaids, chances are the bride will feel targeted and go immediately into defensive. Point out clear examples of this increasing offensive behavior, stay on topic and let her know through your tone and in detail that you are coming from a place of love.”

CONSTRUCTIVE CRITICISM: Sure, you want to just yell out every misdemeanor she committed since being her bridesmaid, yet if you want to have a friend after the wedding, take the bride out to lunch or go for a mani/pedi (be in an environment that is relaxing and relatively quiet). There you can tell her how her recent behavior causes you stress and that you would like her to be mindful of how she addresses you.  Another thought to keep in mind is your timing. If the big day is right around the corner it may be better to stay silent.  After all, she will be consumed by the last minute details and will most likely react like a she-dragon.  State your case as early as possible in the wedding planning process.

BRIDE-VENTION: You tried to play nice but you single-handedly cannot get through to her.  You have to call for reinforcements in the form of your fellow bridesmaids.  Set a time and place to have the bridal party meet with the bride.  Be kind in airing your complaints.  Make sure this does not became a real life episode of “Bridezillas.”

I QUIT: If the bridezilla is resistant to your requests to relax and your overall well-being is at risk, then resign your position as a bridesmaid.  You attempted to reconcile your differences peacefully but alas she refused.  You may lose a friend for now but keep hope alive that when the wedding is over, she’ll magically transform from bridezilla to happy newlywed.  “Should she become so infused with this ‘Situational Bridal Power’ that she cannot see past it and dismisses the growing list of Bad Behavior charges, then you really do need to question your friendship going forward, you have every right to do so,” said Wing. “Once the cake has been cut, the bouquet thrown, after her honeymoon she will return to ’real’ real life, without the pomp and circumstance, the golden slippers, the tiara and veil, overpriced videographer in tow.  Regardless of how fantastic her new husband is and how beautiful the centerpieces were, she’ll box up her dress, and she will need her girlfriends’ support and friendship, probably more than ever.”

Diana Falzone is a talk show host, relationship expert, and writer.  Diana is the relationship expert for Military.com where she writes a daily advice column on My Wingman Diana. She is the spokesperson for Paltalk.com and she is the co-creator and writer for the comic book, “Hot Mess.”

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