Behind the walls lays a lost cruel world full of users, haters, abusers, they manipulate to their own advantage. The darkness is strong; it holds the smell of fear, death and no return. The fight for survival becomes everyday life. Society believes we have the easy life, pool tables, racket ball, swimming pool and the best food. The days are filled with fights, blood, hateful words. It’s an “all me” world. Warmth? If you’re lucky. Love? Bought with soup or a pack of cigarettes. Protection? Comes at a cost, bank if you have it or sex, the selling of your soul if not. Change? Yes, if you close out your surroundings and work on where you went wrong, what made you do or feel the things you did. Learning to grow in ones self, having the ability to become humble and obedient to authority, using the tools that are put before you to grow. Yet learning to like and love ones self is the true key to have the ability to admit your wrongs, to learn and continue to better who you are. Lost? Only if you choose to be. Growth? At any cost no matter how painful or the amount of tears that fall. Learned? Yes, where I went wrong as an individual as a mother, as a person, period. Feeding the illness that was thrust upon me, yet taking the medication to kill the pain, becoming numb to life instead. The ability to function becomes lost in the fog. Now today I stand strong in mind, longing to help others learn, hoping, praying that through my mistakes I can help change the life of someone else. Whole in my mind, but the body is torn and in need of help. Help? Yes from loved ones and the Lord above. Thank you to all who loved and stood beside me, not only as a person but believed in my ability to change and become new.