My day in prison begins at 3:30AM when all the lights come on and 33 other women start rattling around. I walk ¼ mile to stand in a long line to take my medications; regardless of the temperature and the darkness. After lining up, I walk the length of 2 football fields to get a clean towel, shirt, and pants. The nights are noisy, many different radios and yelling between cubicles. If voices get too loud, I sit up because when a fight occurs, everyone is at risk. Our sleep is also interrupted by the many body counts. I fold clothes in the laundry so I start at 6:00AM, and most of the time I'm finished by 11:00AM. It's miserably hot in the summer because there is no air conditioning. I am required to strip off all my clothes, squat, and then cough prior to leaving work. Prison is monotonous, mind-numbing, and ravages our humanity. Where else could you walk down an aisle and be exposed to women having graphic sex with other women, uncovered and uncaring who sees them.

For 2 years, I worked in industry as a Braille Tactilist. I became certified by the Library of Congress as a Braille Transcriber. It took 18 months of hard work and diligent study habits to accomplish this. TDCJ fired a group of inmates that worked in industry and three of us filed a grievance and won because we had the courage to stand up and fight. We three were given punishment jobs in the kitchen or laundry - everyone else returned to industry.

One of the tougher aspects of being a woman in prison is learning subservience. After searching for centuries to find our collective voice, and for me, decades to speak up about my past abuse; we're back to square one. We hide our true emotions so no one can use them against us and we learn not to react to any situation around us. Texas provides woman prisoners with one motel size bar of soap and toothpowder daily. Monthly, we get 2 razors, 6 tampons, 12 sanitary pads, and 6 rolls of toilet paper. Anything else must be purchased by our family such as shampoo and deodorant.

It's hard to qualify any moment in here, as positive, but I have earned a college degree, became certified as a Braille transcriber, and trained to be an expert tactilist. The few friendships I have in here are strong because our loyalty is tested daily. I miss my husband, daughters, mom, and all my family and friends. I miss my "babies"; my dogs who love me unconditionally. I miss all animals because we have no contact with them. I miss fresh fruits and vegetables, real meat, and eating whenever I'm hungry. And yes, I miss making love to my husband but even more than anything, I miss being hugged.

I don't think anyone adjusts to this atmosphere. I survived because I DO NOT believe in the future that Texas has mapped out for me. I have hope that justice will prevail because I AM INNOCENT. I will walk away from this nightmare a free and better woman.

I regret I didn't show that I love my daughters more than life itself. Why did I befriend Tracey? Oh, I should have enjoyed clean water, bathtubs and broccoli while I had them. I choose to seek that center of peace inside of me that tells me that I did the best I could, the best I knew how, and was as strong as I could have been at the time. The future holds a stronger Celeste Beard Johnson, but today I do the best I can.