Women Behind Bars Tuesdays at 10p|9c

Donna Buchanan


There once was a young girl who had dreams of meeting the love of her life, who used to sing "On Top of Old Smoky," and would tell her parents she was going to get married and live on a mountain. She had dreams of maybe being a writer or a teacher. But life doesn’t always give us what we dreamed for. I know mine sure didn’t. Living in prison, how would I describe that to someone who’s never experienced it? Imagine everything being taken away from you and then being allowed a few privileges as a reward for good behavior. What would a reward be? Such simple things as using the phone, exercising, watching TV, canteen, mail, things we take for granted. You are constantly humiliated - if it isn’t the officers, then it’s from the inmates. Let me tell you, women are not nice. I think the hardest thing I’ve had to adjust to and still have a problem with is my fellow inmates. It’s everyone for themselves, if someone is getting friendly, then it’s for a reason. It’s a game of survival just like on the streets, except we house this “elite” street person here. When asked what my daily life is like, I think people would be surprised. I’m in a vocational class called AutoCAD all day, and I fill the rest of my time studying, doing homework, writing or working out. My day begins at 4:00am and ends at 11:30pm. I occupy all my time constructively. There’s an old saying here in prison, “do your time, don’t let your time do you”. I have had so many positive moments in prison, and surprisingly some happy ones. I believe coming to prison wasn’t necessarily a bad thing. I feel like that young girl again, who had dreams and loved life. I have changed, I’m sure that’s been said countless times, but I know I’m not that same person who walked through those steel doors 8 years ago. I like structure and believe rules should be enforced. I love to learn new things and work hard. I think in most ways I’ve been the hardest on myself. My life was terrible and I lived a wasted life, useless to society. I now set higher goals and standards for myself and expect them to be carried out. I have so many regrets; all the years I’ve wasted, not realizing just how rewarding life can be when your life is productive. I want to live the rest of my life taking some of those regrets away and making my family proud of me. Surprisingly it wasn’t that hard for me to adjust to the fact that I would be spending a lot of time in prison. In fact, at the time I felt I deserved more. If I had been offered 25 years or life, I would have taken it. I’ve always believed that no one has the right to take someone’s life, but yet I did. How do you come to terms with that? I have just begun the healing process, but I think Charlie would be happy with who I am now. I miss the outside with a passion and if I could leave prison for one day, I would go to Virginia to spend time with my mom and family. I found out the hard way that family and friends are what matter in life. The pain that I have caused them and the time we have lost is something I will strive to make up to them. Have you ever seen the movie “The Hurricane”? When he’s released from prison he walks outside and the reporters are asking questions and clicking their cameras but he’s just looking around at the sky, his surroundings and he’s just so overwhelmed. I believe I will feel that way. Just to be able to go outside and appreciate the small things in life. That’s what I miss about the outside. I’ll never take that for granted again. Life is good!!