Prison is not the scary cauldron of violence that is depicted by the media/TV outlets. It is a place where normal people go when the circumstances of life have taken a turn for the worst. The women I have met here have been abused in every possible way. They have drug and alcohol addictions, they have lost their children, their spouses, their parents and just about every shred of self-respect. Our charges vary and our backgrounds are widely diverse, but the common thread we all share is that we have suffered deeply.

On a personal level I am trying to rise above the suffering by not allowing it to be the driving force in my life. Fortunately, I have two outlets through which I can do just that - the first being my job, the second being the Mindfulness Based Stress Reduction program.

As for my job, I am an educational tutor for the women in closed management. Closed management is confinement status for inmates with a history of serious disciplinary problems within the prison. They stay in confinement cells for 6 months to a year or more, and are eventually released back into the general population once they have satisfactorily progressed through the three security levels. My job consists of making contact with them a few times a week, passing out and collecting assignments, and teaching. The subject I teach is math, and since we have to communicate through the little window of a steel door it can be very frustrating sometimes. However, it can also be hugely rewarding. It is wonderful to see someone make progress and to feel like I am really helping them. Recently, one of our students successfully completed the GED test while in CM. Getting her GED was a real accomplishment. She was so happy and her family was so proud of her. It made all of the frustrations of the job worth it to me.

It is not always about teaching math, though. The women in the program have been through hell to end up where they are and sometimes what they need more than anything else is a friendly face, a smile, and a few encouraging words from someone who is not going to hurt them.

The second outlet I have is called the Mindfulness Based Stress Reduction program. It was an eight week class that teaches how to reduce stress and anxiety through simple meditation techniques and gentle yoga exercises. The class culminates in a five day silent retreat where we get the opportunity to really explore the benefits of meditation and yoga. The program was developed at the University of Massachusetts by John Kabat-Zinn and is usually offered at hospitals as treatment for chronic pain and stress. Our teachers K.C., Kelly, Elizabeth and Steve all volunteer their time and the books are all donated. Without this generous gift we would not have this program and for that we owe them a debt of gratitude. As a result of the program, I practice mediation on a daily basis. What I have found is that it is an indispensable tool in maintaining peace of mind and that I am able to remain calm and collected in an otherwise stressful atmosphere. I can say without a doubt that incorporating meditation into my life has had more of an impact than any other single practice or teaching to date.

Life is what you make of it and the same rule applies in prison. As truth about SSRI anti-depressants and their dangerous adverse side effects becomes more widely known, hopefully, tragedies like mine can be prevented. The drug companies and the Federal Drug Administration have done everything possible to cover up the truth about SSRI’s because of the exorbitant amounts of money they bring in. The drug companies have even gone so far as to create prosecution manuals to help prosecutors convict people who have committed acts of violence after experiencing the horrific side effects of these drugs.

If you want to know more about SSRI’s please go to (http://www.drugawareness.org/) with a direct link to (http://www.ssristories.com/). The tragic circumstances of my life and the loss of my beautiful boys have forever changed the course of my life. The sorrow with which I live reaches the very depths of my soul; it permeates every breath I take. Fortunately, I have rewarding activities to pour my energy into and I have a supportive network of family and friends who love me. I can only take refuge in the thought that my life must serve some higher purpose. Peace be with you always.