Women Behind Bars Tuesdays at 10p|9c

Lutrische Dancy


My daily life here at BCI is as regular as a day on the outside. I used to wake up, take a shower, have my coffee and breakfast and get ready for work. The only thing that is different on the inside is that I am not helping my children get going. Not much is different except that you have some CO’s telling you what to do, when to do it and how long you have to do it. You hear "no" a lot so most of the time I just go with the punches -- don’t do the crime if you can’t do the time. I earn my blues, they earn their Browns, and they have just not gotten caught. I might have a different outlook on prison than what the next person would have. Yes, I got booked on a very hateful crime but I would just tell people that prison is not a bad place when you know you did the crime. You are going to run into some inmates where all they know is what they can get from you, not return it and not even think twice about it. For some that’s how they were raised, they had to fight for what they wanted. I say, stay to yourself, learn about other people by watching them and how they treat others. If you are a spiritual person take it from there, always remember “To thine own self be true” and you will be well on your way back home with all your teeth. It’s not hard to do time, just don’t let time do you. A tough thing about being a woman in prison is, if you allow it the CO’s will talk foul language to you so that you feel less than a person. The sad thing is to see the total disrespect that some CO’s give you, it doesn’t happen to me. For me, I know I have to do whatever to stay out of lock-up. I want to see my children on the weekend when they can make it. There are some positive moments that I have had while here. When I do my job my supervisor compliments me. I work hard to keep myself and my mind off of where I am at, away from my children. Those are some of the positive things that I can think of -- I mean, I am in prison -- I’m not looking for everything to be peaches and cream. What I miss the most is freedom. Being able to work for the family that I made. I miss doing homework, cooking, being a coach, and being a team parent, whatever my children needed me to be and wherever they needed me to be. Now that I am here I am missing all the good things that a parent works so hard for their children to achieve. When my oldest finished school I was not able to see her get her papers. Now my youngest is getting ready to do the same. I just pray to the Lord to help me get through the hard times in my life. I do have regrets. When I did what I did it just happened, no thinking before what I did. I feel bad for his children, my children, my family and my friends. I never knew how many lives I had damaged just to make a point, to get respect. I knew what kind of man I married and now I am a woman behind bars without a life. I tell my children that I have some prison daughters, but my youngest does not care for that so I don’t say it in front of her. I love my children and I miss them very much. When I leave prison I am going to get myself a job, become a Nun. I am not dealing with any man. I would enjoy my family, love my children and learn to grow plants. I would have one large red snapper for dinner, go to the beach with my children and enjoy the saltwater and I would take a nice long bath. I miss having "me" time.