I am asked if there are any positive moments I’ve experienced while in prison. Initially, that might seem like a straight forward, simple question, but it really isn’t. In the 30 years of my incarceration much has happened, both good and bad. Because of how I have chosen to deal with all of this I have been able to turn much around in my outlook. But, this has been my personal choice and sometimes it’s a struggle.

We are not compelled to seek therapy or counseling. We do not have to do anything “productive” during incarceration here. Rehabilitation, taking advantage of opportunities when presented is a personal choice. I have learned that there are different forms of imprisonment. Although I am physically bound in this oppressive, demoralizing, dehumanizing place, I refuse to give in, to let it get the better of me. I cannot allow my mind and spirit to become ensnared in the cynicism and misery that breeds here.

I had a friend on the outside that came to visit me for 15 years. Her life was such that I often felt freer than she was. She was in an abusive relationship and her life was a constant struggle emotionally and physically until the day she died. She often sought solace from me and our friendship. I choose to involve myself in positive groups and programs that not only help me but also have the capacity to reach out and touch others and impact their lives for the better.

My achievements have been very positive moments in my life; furthering my education by attaining an Associate of Arts degree, completing a vocational word processing program, completing a correspondence course to become a certified Veterinary Assistant. My work in the Prison Pup Program, learning how to train dogs and successfully training several dogs to be service dogs for disabled people is one of the most rewarding and positive things I do.

Some really great people have come into my life as I have lost other very important people. There is no replacing the loved ones I have lost, but the wonderful caring friends I have made helped me get through the most difficult of times. I have learned and come to deeply appreciate the importance of family and true friendship.

Another positive moment in all this insanity was finding and meeting my biological father. Being able to get to know him and his family has been an incredible opportunity. Meeting Linda Spalding who wrote Who Named the Knife, and being able to connect with her and share my experiences with her has also been a unique opportunity. With her having been on my jury in Hawaii she offered a different perspective on many things. She has posed questions in a way that got me to think in a new light about things. This has helped me process things I had just stowed away in the recesses of my mind.

Prison, by nature, is not a positive, upbeat place. But life, where ever it is being lived, is so much about one’s personal choices and outlooks in spite of the difficulties and hardships encountered. I am one who seeks the positive most times. That just seems easier to me than to get mired down in the negative.

A lot of it for me comes back to the people that have entered and enhanced my life. Many have led me to new insights and outlooks that have enabled me to participate in and appreciate other positive moments that come along.