Women Behind Bars Tuesdays at 10p|9c

Patricia Donnelly


Prison. It’s often thought of as the place one goes when one commits "a" bad act. I believe it’s not just "one" bad act, but many choices, negative choices, that lead us to this road. My many bad choices, my suicide attempts, binge drinking, being abusive to my past partners and being irresponsible led me to where I am today. My daily life is a reminder of all the mistakes I chose to make, the greater path I didn’t take, and the lives I took. I will never be able to make amends for what I took despite my accomplishments or the good deeds I do. Prison is a world within itself. We do not have internet access, nor do we earn money while working. We do not get to choose where we live or who we live next to, or what job we hold. One of the toughest aspects of being a woman in prison is having enough tissue to wipe with and enough pads for our monthly menstrual cycle. That’s the simplest challenge. The biggest challenge is not being able to be who we are—a mother, daughter or wife. However, just as there is no rain without sunshine, there are good things and I have experienced some. I’ve made real friendships, earned my GED and learned how to be responsible—I get up at 4 a.m., go to work, etc. This is my life—the good and the bad. I can either choose to wake up everyday and live the best I can or I can choose to lay it all down and take my life. In choosing to end it all, I would choose to become a waste, and would remove any possibility of making some good come out of the bad I caused. So, even though this is hard and painful and I feel like the utmost failure, I choose to live because I owe it to the family members whose son didn’t get a chance to live because I took his life.