Women Behind Bars Tuesdays at 10p|9c

Vanessa Crawley


A usual day for me consists of getting up at 9:30 a.m. to get ready for work in the kitchen. It’s not the best job, but when that’s my main income I’ve learned to deal with the consequences that come with it. I have to do things that I would never do at home. I pick through and cut off rotten and molded food to serve to our fellow inmates, work and deal with women I don’t like, and be quiet while being falsely accused of nonsense. I’m back in my housing unit by 7 p.m. after being randomly strip searched upon leaving work. After my shower there isn’t much to do until 9:15 p.m. "lockdown." So I chill with my friends or play cards. I love my music, so my walkman is always on when I’m not working. It keeps my mind occupied and makes the time go by faster. If you don’t work or go to school the only thing you can do is try to stay out of trouble since these CO’s are always looking for something to write you a charge for. That’s my daily life in prison. Now let me tell you what prison here is like. There are a lot of unfair rules and constant changes I’m forced to adapt to. Basically we’re treated like children. Everywhere we go we have to walk in a straight line. Officers talk to us disrespectfully and say things to belittle us, yet we aren’t allowed to voice our opinion in retaliation without getting in trouble. Some of the male officers have hit women out of anger and were not punished, but promoted. Privileges I’ve gotten accustomed to are being taken away constantly. I’m forced to keep my hair cut so short I can’t put it in a ponytail or get changed. Women like to do hair and keep their hair done in a variety of styles, and they’ve stopped us from wearing any hair style or design. We can no longer order CD’s with explicit lyrics, but the last time I checked I was grown enough to listen to my own preference of music, and not in a detention center. After lockdown we have to be put on a list to use the bathroom since we’re only allowed out one at a time. It’s like a first on the list first out basis. Our doors have to be locked at all times whether inside or out of the room. Our TV channels are even limited. It’s some gender discrimination ‘cause all the male maximum security prisons are much worse and have more privileges than the women. They don’t even want us to have different fragrant lotions and oil. I guess to them we’re suppose to look like nothing and smell like nothing. Anyways the only two things I miss from my life at home is my family and being able to do what I want without wondering who’s listening or watching me on camera at all times. Positive moments to me are when I can lift someone’s spirits with a few words or when my character and actions inspire others to maintain better under these circumstances. I want my story and humbleness to inspire people. I will never adjust to this lifestyle or confinement because I have not accepted my time yet. I’m not going to be here 25 more years. I’m going to fight ‘til they release me. My only regret is not going out with my sister that night. If I could leave prison for 24 hours I’d spend the entire day with my son, my dad, sisters and brother. I’m very family oriented. And since nobody really sends my husband recent pictures of our son, I’d take plenty to send him. After hearing my story, you’re probably asking yourself, why? But I’ve forgiven him, and my scars have healed and I moved on.